Wednesday 12 February 2014

The sugar daddy: his role in the competition

“The courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy.  A man does what he must in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures.  And that is the basis of all reality.”
John F Kennedy, Former President of United States of America

By now it should be clear in respect to the male competition towards the endeavours to acquire female appeal and attraction.  Equally as important, explanations will have been digested with regards to those men who attain the tools to maintain a woman’s interest, and the reasons certain male characters succeed or fail with their pro-actions.  The competition consists of these three types of men:

  • The average looking nice guy (beta male)
  • The rugged looking bad boy (alpha male)
  • The handsome high value man (usually a blend between the above two types)

With respect to the above, it would be unfair to totally disregard another type of man within the competing world.  Not to put too fine point on his title - the sugar daddy.  There will be various opinions and definitions to this kind of man, but typically he is an average looking man in the whole scale of things (both now and probably when he was 20 years younger too), he will be in his 40s or 50s, and he will often be a man who has separated from his ex-wife of a similar age - although it could also be the case he has never been married.  Mid-life crisis comes to mind with this man, or sheer boredom could be the consequence of a marriage too young to his now depreciating older partner.  He looks a little creepy, and it’s conceivable that even the most oblivious or ignorant of this kind of person is still probably aware of how others see him.  Some men of this nature are not aware of the ridicule, as they believe the sexual market value metrics they bring to the table can counter-act their younger, and more physically pleasing, male peers and competitors.  Nevertheless, he aims to mingle in, sometimes with the younger men he has met at his local gym or the workplace.  It all looks a little conspicuous from outside eyes looking in - an ageing looking man attempting to charm the glamorous younger women.  Even his years of experience do not give him any more game than the younger guys out there, as the fact remains he is out of touch with what a contemporary woman desires.  He may have understood women from his generation, but time has passed him by.  However, he does have one secret weapon up his sleeve.  It isn’t an obvious weapon like physical attractiveness, nor is it a work in progress like personality or charisma.  No, it is the weapon he has one, and only one, strike of – a level of money far greater than the younger male interlopers.  Or at least that is how he makes it seem.

When women take the option to find a man who will not maximize her sexual arousal, but who will offer her other attributes that she values, there is the risk that there will only be pockets of chemistry, if any at all.  Women, especially as they get older, view these men as an invitation to being with a good provider of her needs and possibly her future children.  But even this kind of beta male cannot come close to a sugar daddy and his deep pockets of money.  There is a link here though: the vast majority of sugar daddy males are fundamental beta males too.  Fair enough, there is an argument to accept that a wealthy Iranian oil tycoon, with three yachts in Monte Carlo, could be seen as an alpha male in the eyes of the gold diggers and status seekers thriving for his attention.  In other words, even if his young and beautiful girlfriend placed a high bar on him, he would jump under it to the woman at the next party, such would be his options.  But in the real world, most of these types of men are beta orientated in terms of how they conduct their deliverables with women they are attracted to.

It is pertinent to explain the background to why a sugar daddy is more of a competitor in today’s society.  If time was to go back 20, 30 or 40 years ago, when many of our parents met, women had far fewer choices in those days.  My Mother has often told me that if a woman didn’t have a man by the age of twenty, she was seen as an outcast.  So consequently, she bowed at the feet of any available man with a job and a minimal level of personality.  Time moved on significantly in the early 1990s.  Women started to settle down and have children later in life, and job opportunities became more accessible to them.  In return of their efforts, they could be a little choosier with the selection of potential boyfriends.  However, providing a man had a decent occupation, the way he looked and how he conducted himself were far more prioritizing to her.  But then came the turn of the millennium.  With it came the surge and barrage of celebrity magazines, publicized WAG (wives and girlfriends) lifestyle, and attention seeking reality television programmes.  Women live in a fantasy world at the best of times, therefore it isn’t hard to imagine them opening up a page before their hair appointment, or switching on the television, only to see inundated fake tans, false nails, glamour, jewelry, nice cars, and of course, rich men.  No matter how small scale, they would be muttering the words of “why can’t that be me?”  I’ve heard the exact words come from the mouths of friends of ex-girlfriends.  The one item that connects all those factors together is that of money.

The smaller the town or city, the more pathetic this kind of scenario becomes.  The scenario being - older rich men with young beautiful women.  Just over a year ago I was in a nightclub that had the VIP section (section that was smaller than my lounge) hosting a “white collar boxing” party.  It was cringe-worthy.  Middle-aged looking men, dressed in large fitted designer suits, with cheap champagne or wine on about four tables.  Accompanying them were women, mostly in their 20s, who whilst extremely physically attractive in the main, had obviously spent a little too long on the sun bed or a little too much money on cheap fake tanning lotion.  To me, it didn’t even appear that both genders truly knew each other.  It was like the older men had advertised this VIP night in hope that some cute girls turned up.  The whole event evolved around free drinks all night for the women and a one percent chance of sex for the men.

I guess it is just a case of mutual needs really.  The glamorous women have a free night within a “poor man’s” celebrity vicinity, and the sugar daddy men could, at the very least, get to fantasize over them.  What was noticeable about the VIP area was that when pictures were taken, the women only wanted to be seen with each other.  No sugar daddy was in sight unless he glided his ageing frame to be in there.  What does this tell an innocent bystander?  Not dissimilar to the attractive woman and nice guy relationship, this is all about her.  Attention, something to talk about and drama up the next day, and a photo for the memory.  I pity the men more than anything.  What have they truly achieved out of it?  I even recognized one or two of them, and they earned little more than I do.  The question beckons: where does a man of this kind actually go from there once the fake money mask has been removed?

So is a Sugar Daddy really a competitor, and from a night like the one explained, can it go beyond this superficial experience?  Well, from this analysis there’s only one feasible path from the man’s perspective.  He hopes she is intellectually inept and that she is convinced he does have more money and status than the reality in itself.  From then on he just acts in a beta way in truth, but with more years and money to his name than a nice guy.  But usually he only acts in the same way that these nice guys do - in persistent idolization and sycophancy.  In order to keep her, he will do anything she desires and jump through hoops to keep her happy.  Ultimately, he is just another guy with a lack of options, someone who is physically grading above his own level, and a person with no idea in maintaining her emotional impulses towards him.  He lives in the fallacy that he can beat off the competition by spending money on her and agreeing with everything she says. 

From a woman’s point of view it is more complicated.  Money is a powerful tool in today’s society, and in the short term, and at a certain age, it can be the most important aspect in her mind.  To start with, she sees the money as a way to satisfy her own perceived value and purpose in life.  Imagine telling her friends what she did on a sunny Monday afternoon whilst they slogged it out in the office.  Whilst they undertook the usual uninspiring day, she was shopping down the designer boutique alley.  But money and material things can only satisfy a woman so far.  It is like a road that has a definite end, and the end of the road is her boredom.  Because he is a fundamental beta male, he offers her no challenge, no chemistry, no excitement, or nothing good to look at.  I mean, how many nice meals, bracelets and shoes can a woman have before she wakes up next to him feeling a little more repulsed than the morning before?  How many sexual encounters with him before she feels more nausea than the last time?  Do the large waistline, overgrown belly, multiple chins and hanging male pectorals really become more attractive in the knowledge of power and money?  How many younger, better looking men will she walk past before she actually adulterates?  In short, it is a car crash waiting to happen.

A sugar daddy is a threat to other men, but only in the short term.  If she acquires herself a reputation as a “gold digger”, no matter how attractive she is, it’s no coincidence that bad boys and high value men are slow in venturing towards her.  Even desperate nice guys will also have a level of reluctance, although these men often pursue in swallowing the blue pill syndrome in false belief that they can be the one to change her.  My advice to a genuine and good man would be to not let it repel you if you have the chance with these women, but it is imperative to act in your alpha and high value manner.  My bet is she will stay with you, even when your hand doesn’t enter your pocket.  A man should always remind himself that money isn’t a way to maintain a woman’s interest.  It can achieve a short term satisfaction in relinquishing certain needs until she gets bored, and a man would be well advised to spend as little as possible on her if she is this way inclined and use the situation to his advantage.  It’s not just the movies where a woman cheats on her older, rich (even alpha) husband with a cash strapped pool boy who she is viscerally turned on by.  The movie symbolizes how thousands, maybe millions, of women are thinking every day of their lives once in this predicament.  If she isn’t satisfied with your lack of financial expenditure on her, the strongest men will walk away without a tear in their eye - and leave the gullible sugar daddies of the world to pick up the pieces of a never satisfied lady.


  1. Good article, but unfortunately a lot of this information is out-of-date. Made especially true by certain websites, such as, . In particular, men in their 40s and 50s with money, also have good looks, charming personalities, are currently married with kids, and even are dating multiple Sugar Babies, simultaneously! If you don't believe me, then just head on over to "" and find out for yourself (either on the main blog or the forums). The real problem posed here is that websites, such as, SeekingArrangement target College Women in their late teens, early 20s, and late 20s. So, any man in their 20s has no chance, because these women start off by thinking: "I'd rather be with a sugar daddy, then you."

    Also, what's wrong with being a nice guy?

  2. I may check the website out, but I stand by my opinion that your view is based on a minority (less than 10%) scenario in the whole spectrum of male population. Let me clarify. Unless these very rich men are famous, or at the very least attain incredibly high local popularity/social status, not many hot babes in their 20s are likely to go for these men. With looks, it depends on where your yardstick stands, but whilst I agree that most men do look younger, it is usually at that age only about 5 to 10 years younger. I don't see any men in their 50s looking 30 for example. As for personality, I'm not too sure how you can judge this metric from a website, but I'll bow to your greater knowledge of this site if so.

    Perhaps most importantly to highlight though is even if, in your opinion, a larger number of men in this compartment (40s to 50s, money, good looks, charm, even with kids) do exist in comparison to my view, it is still a far, far lower number than hot women who exist. With this in mind, there's going to be a surplus of these hot women to go around for "lesser" men.

    Now, if you are not talking about hot women in the main, and are perhaps looking more around the female physical attractiveness grade of 7/10 or lower (hence cute to average) range, then you will see more men in their 40s and 50s with these women. As you go down the female hotness spectrum it is no coincidence women have a shorter tick list in male calibre requirements, therefore older men with money can be seen as a better catch, in relativity, to a hot woman in her prime who can obtain a high quality younger man (who has more room for potential and improvement).

    As for your comment about a nice guy, if you read my posts you should pick up on the fact I document that a balance is the most effective method. "Nice guy" is a term rather than a definition, therefore the critical language I use for this kind of man is if he is an agreeable, passive, supplicating, clueless and desperate male lapdog - who cannot see through women for their habits and choices in the sexual and relationship market. If only one extreme can be taken (and why should this ever be the case), it is far more effective to be a jerk rather than a "nice guy" with the aforementioned characteristics.