Sunday 16 February 2014

Men’s basic errors with excessive and premature displays of love

“Behind the happiness is a construed weakness, and once a frailty is detected,
the enemy can strike when most unexpected.”

Now that Valentine’s Day is well and truly in the distant memory of women’s five minute gratifying timeframe, perhaps we can get back to the real world in place of the millions of wasted red roses sent by men who will soon be ditched.  Pharrell Williams may have made a recent fortune from his recent “Happy” hit, but men shouldn’t let this cloud their judgment into how far to take this view when in direct interface with their girlfriends or women they are trying too hard to attract.

One of the great circumstances of social network sites is the photographs and comments seen on women’s and men’s pages.  A picture paints a thousand words in the proverbial sense, but a comment digs deep into the truth behind the literature.  The vast majority of people don’t have peripheral vision and an astute mind to find the true meanings gained from what lies beneath the surface, so they go on their merry way in belief all is genuine.  People like me scrape out the glib statements and fake pictures to form what is called reality.

Take a look at each of these 3 profile pictures.  Granted, they're only mug shots, so you'll have to take my word for it on body profile and height criteria to the overall physical attractiveness of each person.  I’m Facebook “friends” with all 3 men, and I know their respective girlfriends in some way, shape or form, so leave it with me to fill in the blanks against the face values.

The young woman and man are aged 20 and 21 respectively.  In my view, they are a good couple because both of them are warm-hearted human beings.  He’s a perennial nice guy, and she’s the typical “homely girl”.  If I was to tell you that she hasn’t even been out on half a dozen girls’ nights out over the last 3 years (her prime going out years), then this will tell you all to know about her preferences for a boyfriend over female friendship time.  A lot to do with this is her irritable feeling to see hotter women – most likely when all her rivals are glamoured up in bars and clubs – so a cuddly night in with a boyfriend mitigates this discomforting thought.  Not that she’s adverse to visions of more edgy guys.  Without going too much into it, I know of one man she tried to escalate sexual attraction with.  Even if I say so myself, the man I reference is one hell of a catch!

The physical attractiveness parity is a rarity.  Although it is far more common at this particular age to see a woman with an equal looking partner, it is still a minority occurrence.  For me, they both hit a 7.25/10 grade.  If straws were to be clutched, he may even shade it up to 7.5/10.  Nevertheless, you don’t see this vision too often.  With this in mind, it can leave people scratching their heads a little when he showers her with gifts come birthdays, Christmas, Valentines or any other given day of the year, but I’m not going to be too critical here.  At his age, and with similar looking young women, I was making these exact same mistakes.  Not once did it leave them liking me any more than they did through natural feelings.

There is mutual common ground, personality, low confidence and unconditional love with this couple.  There are certainly no guarantees in the world of love and hate, but I think this is a relationship that has as much chance to work out indefinitely as any other out there.  If anything, she is the one who has the most to worry about.  As every day passes by, and with the absence of marriage, the balance of power in this bond shifts imperceptibly towards him.  With his sexual market value metrics increasing over time – mainly wealth and status – in addition to his already perfectly placed above average looks, a hotter woman is well within his grasp if when boredom kicks in.

******Picture Removed******

With this couple, we are almost doubling the age of both involved.  She is 35, and he’s a few years older.  Having seen the pictures from her younger self of 10 years previous, they were very impressive.  She has never had kids.  Unfortunately, and through no fault of her own, sexual evolution takes no prisoners on women once they pass the sign of 25.  Needless to say, in the space of 10 years she has gone from being hot to not.  Although she’s still reasonably cute for a woman of her age, I would expect, to her, the nagging sight of her prime beauty holds more resentment than embraced memories. 

Women at this age, and especially those who were once hot, are vulnerable to self-pity, self-doubts and, most of all, a need to feed the ego and still feel wanted.  A woman in this situation is all the more going to look for a man who, whilst decent looking in a certain way, is noticeably less eye catching than her.  Expect women of this type to come out with statements of preferring men with no hair. A free interpretation to this is that no decent looking man (ironically usually with stylish hair) is going to find her attractive enough to date, so her plausible deniability allows the mind to believe she is the one dismissing these better looking men.  I had a friend whose wife claimed she preferred men with no hair on top, yet when he was away with work she was offering me a free body massage.  He’s lucky I’m a “bros before hoes” kind of guy, as many others would have taken advantage.  Watch what women do before believing what they say…  

The man in this dynamic has a heart of gold but an inability to think outside of the box.  The day he met her was the day he changed his status to “In a Relationship”.  As much as he may have got carried away in the moment, you can only wonder who may have edged him in this direction.   After less than 3 weeks together, he was posting endless photos of the two of them and adding public status comments that illustrated she was his “babe”.  Even now (2 months into the relationship), she hasn’t changed her relationship status to his equivalent.  If ever there is someone showing a woman how easy it is for her to capture him, this is your man.  And of course all this goes against what women need (not what they say), in their requirement of a challenge, to earn a man’s love and trust, to wonder if she is good enough for him, and to try that little harder to ensure he maintains a stimulated mindset in being with her.

This relationship only has one saving grace for it to work out – the woman’s age and her consequent inner force to settle down quickly.  As her options with other men will be limited simultaneous to the self-opinion still being high, a man who makes her precious inside has more leeway than if she was that hot woman over 10 years ago.  A man who continues with supplication, time and endeavour projected onto her susceptible reflection can buy time that a man couldn’t purchase who is with a younger woman with an array of male followers.  But this is the only positive going for the couple.  My better judgment tells me she will chew him up and spit him out once there is nothing left in it for her.  You can’t help but think he’s a stop-gap.  It’s amazing how less important a boyfriend becomes to a woman once Christmas, New Year and Valentine’s Day have been passed.

This couple offers a sight that is all so common to observers of real life.  She has recently celebrated her 21st birthday, and he’s a couple of years older.  As you can see, whilst she is no head turner to men with options, she is a cute girl.  Her curvaceous body could entertain even a guy like me for a couple of passionate sessions before hoping to hell she didn’t take note of my postcode, and an overall 7.5/10 physical attractiveness rating could be seen as a little generous but not outrageously high.  However, one thing is for sure is that he’s boxing a good 25% above his own blessings, and this exceeds the usual 10% to 15% seen with most couples below the female age of 40.  This heavy differential acts as a natural default for a man in this position to try harder and harder to make the woman love him and stay with him.  These are just two comments she posted over Christmas:

“I have had the best Christmas spent with the best people. I've been truly spoilt by my amazing boyfriend, family and friends. Love to you all”

“Could my J**** get any more perfect  Can't wait to go to winter wonderland tomorrow, and I LOVE my iPad”

The first thing to say about comments of this nature – a boyfriend overspending on his girlfriend – is that these words are promotion of her own significance as opposed to her gratitude.  What she is really saying is that she must be worth a million dollars for a naïve man to do all these things for her.  But men, and in particular men who know they can do no better, are happy to play Russian Roulette in hope she saviours every last drop of his generosity.  But women being women, short memories and idealistic views of the world to match, only appreciate these acts on a short term basis.  When he slips up, do you think she will remember all the great things he did for her over the festive season?  When she finds a more sexually attractive man pursuing her, do you think he will need to exert all the same efforts as the current boyfriend with the goofy grin? 

What you find with women in this compartment are female characters who don’t truly comprehend their place in the world.  They are neither extreme “girl’s girls” nor “homely girls”.  This woman’s social network pictures back it all up.  She is seen on many nights out with her female peers, but due to belonging to a group where hotter women are to be found, the attention she will receive on an average night out will be limited in context to the others.  This is where a prince who idolizes her comes into it.  She has the natural inclinations that sit with her to go out and see what’s better in male calibre, but there is the fall back package in him waiting for her when doubts creep in and validation is a growing urge.  This is why you will often see women meet up with their lesser looking boyfriends later on in the night.  But this is only once she has text him.  If he turned up unannounced, and it was on a particular night she met someone who arouses her to a greater level, she will not appreciate his loving surprise.

A man who tries too hard is a man waiting for an inevitable car crash to happen.  No amount of money, love, time, care, consideration and commitment can make up for a woman who has concerns that she doesn’t feel butterflies.  This is all the more relevant for women at a young age.  At a more mature age, women will trade the negative aspects found in less desired men because these are the men who can supply them with a wedding day and children.  But women with options, as this girl still has at 21, are likely to look elsewhere until they are totally convinced the man they are with is as good as they will find.  With all this in mind, I very much doubt the young man above will be parting with cash next Christmas with this woman.  He’ll probably be doing it with someone else taking him for a sucker.

You may have noticed a common denominator in the facial expressions of all 3 men.  As a writer of a blog which is fundamentally aimed at advising men to make efficient decisions that ultimately make women like them more, these sights leave me as frustrated as they do amused.  That is, men who look happier than their girlfriends in the portrait.  If you don’t believe me in terms of the deficiencies to acts of this kind, take a look at the link at the bottom of this post.  The excessively happy vision as shown by all 3 men offers nothing beneficial other than inflating a woman’s ego.  For every time she logs on and sees this picture, she sees a man who appears so exhilarated to be with her.  British men don’t have great teeth at best of times, and some of them are so bad that they could bite an apple through a tennis racquet.  So why they would go out of their way to show their crowns bewilders me.

Again, a woman thrives on not quite knowing how a man feels about her, and she never truthfully wants to believe she has him in the palm of her hands.  I can certainly speak from first-hand experience, as those chasing my love have always come running back for more.  When I’ve shown my cards too soon and too blatantly, they have portrayed the smiling but irritable face of taking the challenge away from them. 

A man’s exploitation of happiness doesn’t necessarily rub off on his respective female partner’s happiness.  Women want confident, positive, optimistic and decisive men, but this doesn’t mean they want passive and agreeable men who are illustrating too much of a happy demeanour.

Basic social network strategy principles:
  •  A man should never ever change his status to “In a Relationship” until his girlfriend has done the same.
  • A man should never look happier in a photograph than the woman he is with.
  • A man should post no more than half the amount of photos of him and his girlfriend in respect to the number of photos that she has posted of the couple.  I would go beyond this and advocate the 1:4 ratio.
  • Further to the above, a man should absolutely never, under no circumstances whatsoever, post photographs of his girlfriend posing on her own.  Guy number 2 does this.  Really, what kind of message does it send out?
  • A man should never get involved in all the “wall” comments on his girlfriends page.
  • A man should abide by never looking at his girlfriend’s social network page.

 You will often find men looking happier than their female partners at a younger dating age – from 16 to 25.  This dynamic then takes a turn of events.  As the relationship passes the age of 30, you will see more women looking happier than the man they are with.  Why is this?  Pure and simple: he doesn’t appreciate her as much as he did due to her declining beauty and the strains of providing.  This isn’t to say there are loads of women walking around happier as they get older, but it is relative to the man’s “hero to zero” fluctuation of emotions in now being tied down.  Usually, both parties look equally miserable.  You’ve just got to hope those good days were a trade for the predicaments that arrive today.

A man’s mission in his romantic life is not to make a woman feel good about herself, and instead it is his objective to make her feel good about being with him.  The words may be similar, but the meanings are worlds apart.  Basically, almost every woman has doubts, insecurities and question marks on her worth during almost every day in a lifetime, so to counteract these weaknesses she will go searching for ways to feel alive and valuable.  This practice will include fishing for compliments and hoping men show her how credible she is to the world. 

However, against this process comes a greater need to be challenged by a man, and the minority of men who do act against the grain – by refrained supplication and sycophancy – are the men they ultimately love and respect the most.  In contrast, the sad truth is they take the men who are habitual in constant female promotion for granted.  Only when a woman does evidently require a level of self-esteem elevation, that consequently benefits the male partner she is with too, should a man even think to make her feel good about herself in precedence to the empathetic mentality she should be adopting in concern to the relationship per se, and not her individual life.  Unfortunately for most men, the periods when nice words and gestures are necessary are when they start to appreciate their girlfriends or wives that little bit less.

Acknowledgements and further reading


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