The 11 main things men don’t understand about women

“I like to study the interaction when I’m out.  Because not many people study it: most people just put on something nice, go to a club, stumble around and try and find someone.  But I’ve always tried to study it, try to understand it, try and find a pattern and try to make it perfect.”

(Will Smith, actor)

                                                                 

There is a selection of men controlling ascending escalators that the woman they are attracted to, or in the early stages of a relationship with, are attempting to reach the top.  They are completely in control of it, speeding the incline when they choose (making it harder for her to reach the top), or alternatively slowing it down to assist her.  There are three types of controllers taking it in turns to analyze her emotions at the end.  They ultimately hope she finds his conduction appealing:

Controller one

He sees her struggling at the bottom of the escalator and he sees the frustration on her face.  His gut reaction is to interpret this in his mind as sympathy towards her, and he consequently slows the intensity down so much that she makes the top in a matter of seconds.  Whilst relieved of her pain and satisfied of her immediate achievement, strangely to him she has an expression of someone who expected more of a challenge.

“Well done” he says to her.

“It was a bit too easy” she replies.

Despite controller one offering her another go the following day, free of charge, she never returns.

Controller two

Again, she starts off making no progress at the bottom.  He allows her to make a little headway, but then speeds up the intensity so she returns to the bottom.  He enjoys her struggle, more to please himself than anything else, and it is not until she is almost collapsing that he lets her make up a couple of steps.  In the end she simply gives up, coughing, crying and drained.  He doesn’t even ask her how she is feeling or why she found it so difficult.

“You selfish, arrogant jerk” she cries out.

Strangely, she signs up to attempt the challenge with this same controller a couple of days later.

Controller three

This controller actually allows her a challenging but achievable start, however as soon as he realizes she is finding it too comfortable he pushes the buttons so she takes a step back.  Then he releases it a little for her to make two steps up, only to intensify in order for her to decline a step.  He repeats this process a few times, even reversing the trend occasionally to keep her guessing, so she makes one step of progress and two steps back.  Eventually, after a few minutes she makes the peak.  She is challenged but not totally exerted. 

“That should have been easier for me” she says in slight hostility.  Yet what is noticeable more than anything is she has a balanced look of admiration and inquisitiveness towards this controller.  She asks him for another go the following day.

In a nutshell, this is how three types of men act with women.  If she was asked which controller she wanted to be with, she would immediately state her intentions for controller one - the sweet controller who was so considerate to her needs and who was there for her in her time of need.  Now if she is asked the same question with a lie detector attached to her, she wouldn’t be saying controller one this time.  Ask her which controller hurt her the most, and of course she would say controller two.  But if you asked her to choose between these first two controllers, especially in her younger dating years (although many adult women would fall into this bracket too), and she had the benefit of staying anonymous, she would take preference to controller two.  After being challenged by the first two controllers, not many women would even participate on the escalator of controller three.  Such is her preconceived view that there are only two types of controllers in the world, she doesn’t even take the time to look further beyond this false perception of belief.  So in summary, she will dive in at controller two as her need for a challenge rules over safety, and she will give him much more leeway than controller one.  It may be a case that once hurt by controller two she just goes onto another controller from that team (hence another bad boy) and repeat her emotions in hope of a happier ending. 

Basically, the long and the short of this is that women, at least most women, will often act opposite to the things they say, especially when it is relative to emotional decisions and issues.  They actually desire least the things that men believe they crave for the most, and they take preference in the things apparently despised.  Most men simply do not understand women, and it’s not always their fault.  For instance, take a man who has been in a loyal, long-term relationship only for it to all fall apart.  His assumption is to think what worked for her must also work for the new woman in his life.  But if this guy is an average looking beta dominant character (or any kind of man acting in a beta manner) who has found himself a better looking girlfriend who is not short of options from other men, will his past methods really work this time?  If he has lost touch then this is unlikely to work out.  It’s not until a man has dated a high number of women over a high period of years can he even start to believe he knows what women need.  Or more importantly, what women want.  Even then his experiences will never be enough.  He will need to assist it with fundamental emotional psychological research and reasoning, both from a male and female perspective, before he can truly understand the factors that tick a woman’s box.  Further to this, he has to face up to his past mistakes and accept where he went wrong.  The hardest part in life is accepting you are wrong, and nothing sums this up more than a man assessing his failures with women.  So often his pride stands in the way of his future progress.

These are 11 misconceptions that men are most guilty of stepping in:

The nicer he treats her, the more she will appreciate him

How many times have you heard a woman say “he was so sweet to me, and he did so many things for me.”  The naïve person of the world will think and believe she has found the perfect man, and the woman may even believe it herself.  Then oddly, a month or two down the line it is all over, and she was the one to instigate the break-up.  In simple explanation, the guy did too much too soon for her.  She may have appreciated it at first and it made her heart race, but once he raised his own bar too high then anything below that from there on in became a disappointment to her.  Men have this false hope that if they can collate points early on this will stand them in good stead for the long term.  The problem is that no matter what he does for her, nothing can build or replace emotional chemistry - like she built with the guy who spent nothing on her but she can’t wait to see.  Always remember, gestures always outweigh the cost.  A surprise will always be greeted more warmly than the expectation. 

She means what she says

It is not so much that a man should believe the opposite to what every single woman says in any given situation.  This is more of a case of studying her, drawing on past experiences, but most importantly watching what she does.  A prime example is the long lost favourite that leaves so many nice guys scratching their heads at 3am on a Sunday morning.  A woman may speak unfavourably about a notorious bad boy in a nightclub, and she will mention the lack of genuine and caring men in the world.  She surrounds herself on the dance floor with honest, loyal and supplicated guys in order to try and make her feel better about herself - and then goes home with the jerk at the end of the night.  

She’s too busy to see him / she forgot to call

This is where the weak, desperate and option stricken men of the world fall flat on their faces.  Does she even believe it herself that she is too busy?  It is very doubtful.  Any guy who hears these words needs to grow a pair, look himself with confidence in the mirror and go find someone else.  If a woman wants to be with her man, nothing or nobody will stand in her way.  Even if she has a business meeting she just can’t get out of, if she has feelings for him she will be straight on the phone to arrange the soonest alternative time.  The man who believes her words of this kind is a sad case of a man who can do no better.

He needs to give her more attention

Firstly, allow me to justify any accusations of what may be viewed as contradictions in forthcoming chapters: the majority of females do crave attention over any other aspect of life.  But here’s the thing: she craves for it, but once she receives it she doesn’t necessarily appreciate it.  A clued up man tests a woman, and he doesn’t give needless attention to her in large doses.  This is particularly pertinent to carry this out with the hotter women, but it shouldn’t be dismissed for any woman.  It’s like the scenario of the little nursery kid who searches for the most valuable toy, but once found, it isn’t what she wants or it isn’t as satisfying as she thought it would be.  Furthermore, look at the kind of people who give her bundles of attention - it can be narrowed down to her beta male friends, her lesser attractive female friends, her past beta boyfriends, and her father.  Does she show gratitude towards any of them?  If so, it is very rare.  Is it her knocking on their doors or them knocking on hers?  It is always them doing the chasing, unless she needs something out of it.  Unpredictable and timely attention is fine, but anything above this and she will take it for granted.

She wants to be put on a pedestal

There will always be a stage in a woman’s life, probably on more than one occasion, when she does feel the need to be idolized and infatuated by someone from the opposite sex.  It bounces back to the attention and validation of her worthiness requirements, along with a short term dosage of feeling valued both by her new beta boyfriend and within own inner thoughts.  However, this is a short term fix acting as nothing more than a subscribed medicine to fight her insecurity of believing she cannot be with a higher value male who has his own life going on outside of her world.  To be placed on a pedestal goes against the generic make-up of a woman - she needs a challenge, she needs to fight for her man’s attention and she has to find a way to believe she is the exclusive one for him.  If ever a woman sneakily mentions to a man that she is his princess, he should kindly decline placing the throne on her head.

He should hide the fact other women are attracted to him

This can be a tough one for an inexperienced guy to understand, one who is embarking on his adventure with his new partner.  His instinct is to stay out of the way of other women, blatantly deny they are magnetized towards him, and never talk or flirt with them when his girlfriend is around.  This is logic, as logic always taught him recollections of his ex-girlfriend’s hostile and aggressive look from previous experiences when he did even so much as ask another female for the time.  However, her face may have been born out of jealousy and insecure feelings, but this is far from a bad thing from his point of view.  No woman has desires to be with a man who no other woman finds attractive, and whilst the last thing she wants is for him to cheat on her, she needs to know he holds the tools be unfaithful.  Yes, a balance is required.  It’s no good indiscreetly interacting with other women, as she will only interpret this as someone who is trying too hard to be convincing of his high value or she will think he is too much effort to invest her emotions with.  But again, it boils down to a woman’s competitive and challenging hunger in life and attraction.  She loves the knowledge she has a man that her females peers would give anything to be with.

                 She’s attracted to single men

Here’s a test for a man: walk into a car dealership or a doctor’s surgery, and the service adviser or doctor clearly takes a shine to you whilst maintaining her professional conduct.  Once business is done, you spend a few minutes talking about the impending weekend, and whilst she talks a little you notice the wedding ring on her finger.  You mention her husband and she does not deny anything.  Then you mention your girlfriend and the surprise weekend you have in store for her.  You expect a smile in response to your information, as like her you are in a relationship and seemingly happy.  Yet strangely you sense a hint of disappointment in her eyes.  That face is a picture of further attraction towards you in conjunction with an air of confirmation you can satisfy another woman.   

Now place a single woman in your presence.  You would expect her to be entirely happy to hear the words of “I’m single too.”  Some would be so, but many more would be further attracted with the words of “actually I’m seeing someone, but we will see if we are meant to be or if we go our separate ways.”  Research indicates to women taking preference to unavailable men in a like for like basis.  Competition, along with validity of the opposite sex being attracted to him from pre-selection proof, are the ingredients mixed in to drive her thought process in this way.

She hates jerks  

A woman’s interpretation of a jerk or bad boy will be different to a man’s equivalent view, but in any case, never believe the apparent sincerity of this statement in her despising these kinds of men.  It can be analyzed until people are blue in the face to the reasons behind women seeking out these men, but when a woman speaks these words they aren’t coming from her visceral feelings.  It’s not so much that she is lying or is intentionally hunting down these guys, as she may well in fact despise how they generally treat her female acquaintances.  Nevertheless, this doesn’t prevent her from being attracted to them.  Lesson here: it isn’t too relevant for a man to be liked by a woman as long as she is attracted to him.

He must act like a true gentleman  

There are movies, teen dramas and novels that allow a woman to be convinced the best men out there are all true gentlemen.  She will let herself believe in her fictitious mind that these men open doors for her, they are polite every moment of the day, and they are punctual all the time even if she is constantly running late.  The problem with this false projection is it isn’t the kind of duties she desires in man to perform continuously in her reality.  Every now and again is fine, but this needs to be intermittent in order to avoid the plateau of the relationship.  If he fails to be unpredictable, where is the mystique, where is the drama, where is the risk, and where is the slight arrogance to this man?  Basically, a woman needs a man to be a man, and a “gentleman” is seen upon as boring.  As a woman coasts through her years she gradually moves away from being involved with the bad boys and moves onto the more gentleman orientated types, but her brain chemistry is static for most of her fertile life.  She just rationalizes more, but this doesn’t mean to say she will be happy with this.  I’ve opened car doors for numerous women and it has rarely resulted in success.  Acknowledgement from them was absolute, but appreciation came in the form of “you’re such a sweet guy, but…”

Romantic films, programmes and books can allow a man to be brainwashed into believing this is the way a woman craves to be treated day in and day out.  Many women will tell him this, and it is all so easy to believe this is the case.  But a man needs to constantly remind himself that this source of information is her supply of escapism, and it goes against the grain of how the female mind works for the majority of time.  Women will claim they look for peace, love and happiness, and I firmly believe they mean this in genuine terms when they speak the words.  Nevertheless, their inner drama facilities within their mentality require more intensity, and their satisfactions come from chasing a man.  They subconsciously know that the most valuable and suited men are ones they have to chase, therefore any man who acts too much in the opposite way only succeeds in reversing the psychological warfare to form belief that he is seeking approval to be with her.  Once she forms this concept, a man is no longer the challenge she requires to sustain the adrenalin of remaining on her toes.

Money and gifts will keep her 

Though few will confess, many women, especially the more physically attractive ones with limited intelligence or career aspirations of their own, are attracted to the more wealthy men or the world.  Money is a powerful tool, and for average looking and below average looking guys it is a great leveler in their competing with better looking counterparts in search of women.  Ninety-nine percent of men, whether rich or poor, are aware of this, and not many will openly admit to it being a way of them attracting women.  It is often the unspoken but non-deniable truth.  However, men can blind themselves to this: money can capture a woman, and it can maintain her interest for a period of time, but a relationship based on these motivators lack one true commodity – emotional connection.  There aren’t too many men with unlimited disposable income to satisfy a materialistic woman’s needs, and even with the men who are cash rich, how long before appreciation turns to expectation?  A man should nip it in the bud early and show a woman he is someone who receives great pleasure in treating her every so often but that he is a guy who could never be with a woman who is an unofficial “gold-digger”.  It’s important to remember that many women who are with a cash rich man are throwing up at the thought of seeing him naked.

              The better looking he is, the more women he will attain for relationships

This is conceivably the biggest myth of all.  Young, good looking guys are the most vulnerable to this belief because quite frankly they have had their early dating experiences with naïve young women who have yet to become insecure, wary and conscious of needing to feel more valuable than the man who walks alongside them.  The theory of a man’s physical appearance conquering all is nothing further from the truth, and handsome men deny or don’t understand this reality, whilst lesser looking can men underestimate their own ability to secure women higher in the looks scale than themselves.

Young, good looking men are most guilty of failing to grasp this ever apparent observational truth.  They fail to acknowledge or believe that women can feel uncomfortable when in the presence of a member of the opposite sex who is equally, or more, physically attractive as her in relative terms.  With this being the case, it is essential that the better looking a man is, the more humble, approachable and attainable he must portray himself.  But so few realize this, and if they receive rejection from one or two women on a night out, they assume they need to pump up their value even more by lifting heavier weights or drinking more protein drinks.  Most women are insecure species, and give them the slightest opportunity to reject a cute guy and that’s exactly what they will do.  It sounds illogical, but that is just simply the way women function, and men need to accept and face up to this.  Women don’t view attraction in the same way as men, and this is all the more evident as they get older.  And these good looking guys are left behind wondering why she is walking hand in hand with that average looking man.

It’s not easy attracting a woman that blows a man’s mind away, and it’s an even harder task to keep her interested.  Once the novelty of sex is over, a man’s occupation isn’t the main aspect of his life that makes him look tired, drained and older.  It is his stress of pleasing women.  What hurts me the most is when a man can be seen slumped on a table - all stressed, cash-strapped, energy stricken and unappreciated.  So much of his expenditures were wasted, and more importantly, they were not required.  He’d be in exactly the same place, or even better off, had he never of tried much at all.