Why men should never rely on their looks

“Sometimes you can’t know where you’re going, until you know where you’ve been.”

This post may appear to be biased towards good looking men only, but if you’re patient enough to stick with it there will be evidential messages that apply to, and assist, men of all physical attractiveness levels.  Women will also take something from this too, as they will relate to their rollercoaster emotions that revolve when put in the somewhat predicament of uncomfortable feelings and plausible deniability.

Earlier this year I saw a young woman at the gym (Virgin Active Derby, wink wink) who caught my eye.  She was blonde, approximately 5ft 8 inches in height, she possessed a curvaceous body and was privileged with a pretty face.  I’d say her age is 24, as very few women look younger than their birth date.  I’ve seen her outside of her gym kit, and she’s a solid 8.25/10.  Push me and I’ll consider scoring her at an 8.5/10, and that will surpass my own relative and humble self-assessment grade of 8.25/10 in male physical attractiveness.  On that first occasion she looked over her shoulder to take a glance at me as she walked past.  The following day we walked in opposite directions and she gave me a smile.  I’ll always keep these moments in a real and objective form, because if I was to paint a situation to suit my own ego, all validity of a post like this isn’t worth the effort to even tap one key.  But I took on board enough to be assured she was physically attracted to me.

 The following week, I stepped on one of the cross-trainers next to her and struck up a conversation.  Her first look was one of hostility, followed by the famous female adversarial word of “huh”.  No guy can confess to enjoyment of moments like this, but I carried on with a little small talk.  She just commented on the fact she couldn’t concentrate on her training without listening to music on her IPod.   Bear in mind I approached her roughly 40 minutes after her workout commencement.  I did about 5 minutes work on the cross-trainer, with no conversation, and consequently left the scene.  I was in a relationship with someone else at the time, but I’m always one to see what’s on the horizon if things don’t work out.  Being a social person too, I like the dynamics of various personalities in life.  In this case, the lasting impression of her persona left much to be desired.

Now, I’m no stranger to female rejection, denied attraction or ignorance after clear indicators of interest have been put my way.  The hostile reaction, as in the case of this particular woman, is far rarer than the friendly but “sorry, I’m seeing someone” response.  In the case of the latter, this is to be expected, and it took me years to understand the process.  In simple terms, most women, for differing reasons, are with men who aren’t exactly blessed with great male looks or physique.  Even those who are with better than average looking male partners cannot control their eyes when a stronger visual lure is in close proximity.  So once they see a man who is sexually above the man she goes to bed with, it’s a natural human instinct to take a look.  This is no different to what men do all the time with women.  Women do it less, because there are far less men who stimulate them enough for their heads to be turned.  But despite the liberal reputation women have perhaps harshly been dealt in terms of their sexual behaviours in the modern day – as only a tiny minority sleep around with concurrent men - the vast majority of women in steady (if boring) relationships are still going to decline a man they don’t personally know despite the intimate urges he may bring.  Their seeking of commitment, alongside the perception of better looking men’s infidelity, can manifest in forming decisions of sticking to the safer bets.

Women of this nature – often hot girls (but many cute or slightly lower too) who look at a man but then act with ignorance and unfriendliness one he interacts – are not unusual.  However, it is unfair to say they are normal to the course of events.  I find most women who give me the glance do actually make some conversation after I have approached them.  They will be fully aware the guy has acknowledged their interest and intrigue.  In the case of our blonde friend who did go the other way, it’s easy to work them out.  They simply have big egos but no real inner confidence to back it up.  She is typical of a woman who is physically aroused by a good looking man, knowledgeable she could secure him, but absent of the true confidence to know she attains the value to lock him down and trust he will appreciate her and won’t betray her.  With this in mind, expect to see women of this kind with the typical average looking man who is a couple of grades below her in visual impressiveness.  He wears the sign of a man who can do no better.  This is great for the short term, but not so much for the longer term.

With this woman, I’m pretty sure she was, and still is, single.  During the last 9 months, she has regularly ventured to the gym at times that steady relationship girls do not.  I’ve been going there long enough to realize this.  Her body language also gives off the vibe of a single girl, and one who has high standards for men to jump over but a fragile pride that lives in trepidation to the thought of being used.  This is why I don’t think she is necessarily someone who will go for the jerks of the world.  It may have been the case in her teenage years, but not now.  My guess is her assumption of me back then, and probably still now, is one of a sexual player.  This will go a long way to explain how she primarily acted interested but secondarily chose to ignore me.  I predict she may have had very short term dealings with a couple of average nice guys over this period of time I’ve known her who have acted like prince charming and bought her a few meals.  This will at least make her feel better about herself before she tells them “it’s not you, it’s me.”

However, within this 9 month period of then and now, her eyes have frequently crept back in my direction.  At first I found this strange, because no woman wants to inflate a man’s ego if there is nothing in it for her.  Was it simple instinctive chemistry that unconsciously makes her do this?  Does she regret her actions?  The answer is maybe yes to both, but in this case there were subsidiary factors to determine her interest over and above the physical attraction.  Life throws reasons, and here are the reasons her attraction has gone beyond the pleasantries of something good to look at:

Status

Not long after the apparent shun would have brought lighter mornings.  She would have noticed, in a quiet car park of little more than a dozen cars at opening time, a car that would stand out from the crowd.  It wouldn’t take long for her to put two and two together and realize this automobile belongs to yours truly.  Status, and how female attraction onto men is altered by this non-visual desirability metric, comes in the form of two dictators:

First, women translate an expensive commodity as an indicator of power and proof of a person doing well for themselves.  Women have uncontrollable predilections to locate men of higher status who can provide for them financially, and an expensive car would be unproven notification that the owner could do this.

Second, women have needs to fulfill their own self-importance and validation to shove in the faces of external parties.  A woman’s first thought of a nice car or house would be to how this could elevate her value and how he would make her feel about herself in importance terms.  Needless to say, a blonde in the passenger seat of a head turning vehicle ticks all boxes.

Never let it be misconstrued that men should strive for status to please a woman.  Firm distinction should be made between men who use status to their advantage, and men who feel the need to have status to seek women’s approval and lock them down.  A clever man uses status to attract and secure a woman, but he then ensures she is every bit as pleased to be with him as the inverse.  He will not allow himself to be her bank card.  A naïve man will work his pants off to secure a woman he knows (or believes) he couldn’t acquire through looks and personality alone, so he bank rolls her requirements to maintain her interest.  No prizes for guessing which man has the woman respecting him, and which man feeds her short term ego for a longer lasting resentment.

Pre-selection

This woman will have seen the occasional hot woman and various cute women glance at me with admiring eyes.  I’ve seen at least half a dozen do this when she has been there, so I’d hedge my bets there may be double this number that I haven’t seen but she has.  And there’s always the ladies dressing room chit chat to accompany this.  Female pre-selection is arguably the strongest pull in attracting another woman.  It is one thing to be pleasing to the onlooker’s eye, but this is only one opinion.  When other women share this sexual feeling, the target woman only collates a stronger beating of the heart.

Apathy

Since my first tingle of hard balls under my sweatpants some 9 months ago, this girl has progressively lost too much weight for my liking.  Gone are the curves, come are the skinny legs.  This isn’t my type.  I’m not sure what her motivation could be to this weight loss.  Maybe it was to be the skinniest girl on the beach in Ibiza, misconception that men like skinny women, or the watching of one too many episodes of the 90210 actresses.  In any case, any discrete inclination I once held to take a crafty look fragmented.  Women, true to the illogical system of life, are more attracted to disinterested, indifferent and apathetic men.  It’s funny how the boot can land on the other foot.  Suddenly she would be asking the questions to how a once interested guy could no longer give a toss.

Attitude and Confidence

Women observe and assess a man’s demeanour more than his physical look per se.  In the routine workout sessions there is the perennial type of lunkhead jerk gym guy who trains there.  Allegedly on steroids, his muscular bulk is complimented by various tattoos.  Nevertheless, although not many women’s cup of tea for relationship intention, these men do project attention onto female eyes.  I would guess he will have formed a forbidden fantasy in many a woman’s daydream.  To me, he is nothing more than a guy at the gym.  One particular day, we crossed paths, and our good lady of the story would have been watching on.  As I took my usual purpose to acknowledge him (as I do everyone else) as I walked proud, chest out, maximized posture with a mild smirk, the lunkhead jerk couldn’t even look me in the eye as he possessed slouched shoulders and head arched down.  You can put a million tattoos and induced needles in a person, but positive attitude and confidence comes within the soul.  I don’t have one tattoo, and I most certainly wouldn’t touch the juice if someone paid me, but in those few seconds the higher value person wasn’t the one with the bad boy visual characteristics. 

Protective perception

On a not dissimilar theme to the above, a woman’s perception of a man she doesn’t know, or God forbid sometimes one she does know, will rule over any substantiation available.  Over the years I spend about 20 minutes on the punch bag.  I’m never going to be a professional, but my technique and punch power has been applauded by other members.  This woman will see this, and the perceived view is one of a guy who could stand up for her if needs must.  Only drama orientated women – hence usually dense women - of the highest magnitude desire a thug, but all women need to know a man can protect them. 

Let me re-iterate that, like a sports car, boxing is something I do for myself.  My health, welfare and own agenda will always supersede any thought of female attraction.  If it conquers both, then good for me.

Man in a hurry

My time is valuable and sparse.  I have to get in and out the gym in as little time as possible.  This means short rest periods and quick sets.  There’s no messing around with me, and it illustrates a person who is in a hurry.  Women, strange to their way of thinking, like to fight for a man’s time.  As much as they will tell a man, in order to feed their egos, that they crave for his unlimited time and energy, the truth is women are magnetized to men who walk past them as if they are invisible.  This is why so many nice guys are left confused when they have spent every last ounce of exertion on a woman, only for her to depart in saying he didn’t do enough for her.  What she is really saying is she resents him for doing too much too soon, she took it for granted, and now she can use any slight restriction in his efforts as an excuse to jettison from the bond.  This is all when the jerk who gave her nothing has her knocking on his door.

As for now, I can’t deny that the balls in my pants are once again stiffening.  She has regained her curves, and looking hot.  Even if she is more open to my interaction in view of all the above, she will have to wait.  My current girlfriend, whilst a ¼ to ½ grade below this blonde in a physical attractiveness score, has an overall array of more pleasing girlfriend material measurements.  At least this is how I see it right now.  Maybe the gym girl can prove me wrong one day.  Just for the record, and despite how some readers may misinterpret some of my words, I actually only believe in the psychological aspect of cheating, and not the pragmatic side.  That is, a man is always a better partner with his wife, fiancé or girlfriend when he knows options are always his for the taking.  He is confident, through proof or otherwise, that if his current partner misbehaves in extreme and frequent ways, he can leave without a tear in his eye and move onto pastures new.  There will be plenty of high quality and willing female takers.  This is the strict difference from adulterating in its literal deliverable.  Whether people believe me or not, I condemn infidelity.

If this time does arrive – when I’m available to consider proposing my good self to the blonde at the gym – I’m still not sure what the outcome will be.  Nothing surprises me anymore.  It could also well be the classic act of not wanting to date me but equally not wanting anyone else to have me.  Women may deny this, but I can guarantee it happens much more than people acknowledge.  Damn, I hate it when I’m right.  If she reads this and works it out, she’ll probably reject through pride alone.  I actually passed her the other day and she blanked me.  I also get the impression that she is perhaps avoiding me, as I’ve noticed a later arrival from her of late.  Surely this couldn’t be an attempt to diffuse her itching feelings, could it?  Maybe she’s had dreams about me.  If so, right back at you!  Her apparent concealed interest would have put me off some years ago, but women’s emotions are all over the place when in the predicament of being attracted to a guy in this sense.  It doesn’t happen to them very often, because only a small percentage of men grab a woman by the sexual gut.  Those that do are often dense jerks who cannot offer them much past tomorrow.  Men who can split the difference are as rare rocking horse shit.

My hunch tells me that she has what I term as “reluctant attraction”.  A woman can quite easily disregard and vainly deny her physical attraction towards a man due to the comprehension of knowing her ego will be put out of joint in being with someone on eye catching parity.  But when you place other desirables on the table, she can be swung.  It could still be a case of trying desperately hard to find reasons not to be with me too.  It’s one thing to be a hot woman, but a hot woman knowing an equally hot man is desired by nearly all other women out there, some who are even more attractive than her, is a person with uncomforting feelings.  Not that a woman wants a man no other female looks for, but the balance is a fine one between too little and too much admiration.  Either way, it will be no skin off my nose.  I’ve dated a couple of slightly hotter women and a few on par, and similar to thoughts of many men out there, a woman who falls only fractionally below this beauty threshold but with good personality and values is worth more than one of enhanced glamour – at least for long term relationship consideration.

To go back to the beginning, this scenario is simply further information to guys who believe male looks are the trump card to secure women.  If they do believe this to be the case then they need to sign in for a reality check very soon.  Male good looks do help, no doubt, but male physical attractiveness of high degree can become counter-productive with many women in an average small city or town.  I know there will be good looking men reading this post, and if they are honest, they will have succumbed to the same female process of early interest but ultimate rejection. 

For lesser looking men, the message is one of this:

Your not so blessed looks are a mere irrelevance if you can offer other items women desire.  Some of them, as explained, are firmly within your own grasp.  I stand by the view that an average looking man, with knowledge of how women’s emotional brain works, has a better chance to be cut some slack and not be immediately rejected when approaching most of our good lady friends in environments where she doesn’t know the relevant man.  A man who doesn’t dent women’s egos due to his lesser comparative looks should take advantage of this unspoken but transparent pronouncement.  It’s no coincidence that 8 to 9 cute or hot women out of every 10 you see are walking hand in hand with men who are on a similar looks grade to you.  The balance only starts to significantly shift in a good looking man’s favour when the woman knows him personally.      

Women are simple to work out when you’re a clued up and astute man who draws from past experiences, mistakes and successes.  This is further developed when he looks outside of his own bubble too.  However, idealistic men, or men who refuse to believe the truth, are forever chasing their tail in the lack of knowledge to why life with women occurs the way it does.