Monday 29 May 2023

Pronounced signs of a man’s discomfort with another man


“Power is found within.  Weakness is detected by those with power.”


I sat in the sauna on my own for a few minutes on a quiet Sunday morning post my gym workout.  Subsequently, in stepped a man I knew by face and minor acknowledgement, but we had only ever interfaced on one conversational occasion.  That one past conversation involved his friend being there too (in the sauna once more).

A past linked story

Around the month of April in 2021, I was training on the boxing bags during another Sunday morning.  I saw a lovely shaped and pretty blonde haired woman not so subtly looking in my direction.  She stared over on about three occasions, but it was with a lot more of a cordial expression than the usual girls who glance over with antagonism or neutrality.

A fortnight later, and once more I saw the same woman in there on another Sunday at a similar time to before.  Again, she made very little concealment to express her interest in my goings on.  Whilst she was perhaps a little skinnier than my ideal female figure, it was only marginally thinner than that perfect (in my view) shape.  She looked about 23 or 24 in age.

I should say that, on the second time of seeing her, she did have one guy hanging around whilst she warmed up on the treadmill.  I noticed they were talking, but it all seemed a bit too friendly and comfortable to construe it as them being lovers.  I continued on that basis in any case, especially considering she was not with him during her weights regime.

As the interest was quite clear, on both her part and mine I must add, I had set it in my objective to approach her the next time I saw her.  However, like life’s coincidental magic weaving its destiny wand so often it seems, I never saw her for the rest of that year.

A year later….

Approximately twelve months later, and I walked towards the entrance of the gym.  A woman held the door open for me with a smile.  She even said, “Are you alright?”.  She walked off ahead of me, and then a few minutes later I saw her with a mixed-raced man in the gym.  The two of them trained together throughout.

The penny then dropped to amalgamate all the incidents.  The woman was the blonde haired girl as explained.  The man with her, and hence her boyfriend, was the man in the sauna as explained in the first paragraph.  They trained together, with only isolated occasions alone, for the next six months and on regular visits.

In spite of her being with him on pretty much each instance, she continued to keep looking over in my direction.  There was even one comical time when I returned after a two week absence from the gym post a summer vacation, and as I trained on the squat machine, she kind of lingered over and stayed within a couple of metres.  As she did, her boyfriend walked over and quite aggressively said to her, “Why have you come over here!?”

Nevertheless, both of them stopped coming to this gym around October of last year.  I have not seen her since.  He started back during the early part of this year, but he now trains with a different buddy.  Whilst I sensed his annoyance with my extant being, there was one occasion when I walked in (on a day when he was with his girlfriend last summer) and he gave me the respect nod and facial expression.  That was the only time, although if we crossed paths he would somewhat, perhaps in discomfort, acknowledge back. 

Back to the sauna….

So, as he enters the sauna, I asked him how he was.  He reluctantly asked me back, to which I then asked him how his training was going. 

The first thing I noticed was that he went to the furthest part away in the sauna as possible.  No problem, as everyone has their favourite spot, I guess.  What was more transparent though was he turned his body at a right angle away from me, which meant of course he could not look me straight on.

When he spoke, as I do with everyone, I looked him in the eye the whole time.  When I spoke, I would say at most he looked me in the eye a third of the time.  I asked him, as much as to keep the conversation going if nothing else, a good number of questions about himself, his life, his job, and other things.  I am struggling to recall one question that he asked me about anything, myself, or the world.

Male weakness signs

As explained in this previous post, there are tell-tale signs to comprehend which kinds of men warm to you and companionable towards you, and which kinds of men are in total discomfort when around you.  Allow me to list the easy signals that represent the latter:

·       At all costs, he will make attempts to not sit or stand near to your vicinity.

·       If no choice but to be near you, he will turn his body away from you.

·       He will appear totally uncomfortable in both body language and facial viewing when near to you.  Then compare that to how at ease he seems when with someone no more, or less, physically attractive in respect to himself.

·       He will give you truly little, sometimes even no, eye contact when talking.

·       He will not acknowledge you when walking in opposite directions.

·       He will not ask you anything about yourself.

·       When you talk about your life, his facial expression and body language will portray a form of negativity and frustration, and it will be clear he desires you to stop talking.

·       Sometimes he will try and ridicule you, and in vast majority of cases it will be when other men, or women, are around and within the same conversation.

·       Aligned with the above, he will not ridicule you when the two of you are alone.

·       He will make astronomical endeavours to not be alone with you.  If no choice to be one on one with you, his disconcerted disposition cannot be hidden.

·       He will simply try and talk to anyone else before having to talk to you, even if his life depended on it in proverbial terms.

In contrast, you can pretty much flip the script and illustrate the polar opposite for men who are comfortable around you, to the extent where they even make efforts to spend time with you and enjoy every second of being with someone of unique stature.  To list some of these men:

·       Solid, family men (who have no interest in playing away from their female partner).

·       Most (although certainly not all) considerably older men than you.

·       Gay men.

·       Feminine but heterosexual (or closet!) men.

·       Men who have no intention to be fighting for the most sought after women.

·       Rare men who just embrace the existence of stand out male figureheads.

·       Men (in the way women act with famous or high status men), who attain a mentality to find comfort in knowing a striking looking man, and/or well known, man.

A common misconception – that the highest calibre men should act this way….

One common misconception I have always laughed at is that a man acting apathetic and disinterested with another man is because he is so much cooler, in demand, busier, more popular, more sought after and, ultimately, a man with more social status and worth to the world.  I call total bullshit on this, perhaps social proof obsessed segment of the population, consensus.

For one, and with misfortune acknowledged for anyone who has been dealt a cruel blow in life for the statement I will make, each man has two arms and two legs.  Everything else is simply side factors.  We are all individuals, we all have our purposes, and we all possess our own strengths and weaknesses.  Whilst I may be better looking and stand out above the average man, this does not make me any better than any other man who steps out his residence.  I sincerely mean this.

Second, if you are a man who has been blessed with physical attractiveness, personality, charisma, wealth, knowledge, social status, or savviness much over and above the average man, then the way I view this is that these blessings are something a man should be appreciative of, and not used as a reason to look down on others.  In simple terms, if I have been blessed in some ways, I find it enriching to disperse happiness to the lives of others, no matter how small this contribution can be within my offerings.  This means I take pleasure in giving, rather than expecting those to bow down to my stature.

Third, and most importantly in my opinion, is that if a man is comfortable and at ease with his existence, it should be the easiest and most natural procedure in the world to show an interest in the life of another.  With this in mind, a man who asks questions, who holds comfortable body language, who radiates positive facial expression when listening, who is happy to be in the same vicinity as another, and who is generally a likeable and engaging person, is worth a thousand men who believe acting cool, apathetic and unenthusiastic is the way to go.

This is perhaps kind of, in a nutshell, why I cannot stand the whole fame and celebrity business.  In essence, I cannot stand people who are up their own ass.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                              Humility is not thinking less of yourself.  It is thinking about yourself less.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      My mother once gave me the wisest words.  She said that irrespective to whether it is the King of England or a tramp on the streets, you should treat them both with the same amount of respect.  I take it one step further and describe in terms of treating a person with the same amount of respect that they offer to you.