“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” (Lolly Daskal)
I watched an interesting movie last week by the name of Deadly Sisters. I will try not to spoil the plot for you, but based on the film deriving from real life past sequence of events, I would expect more than a few people know about the origin in any case.
As I am conscious of not creating any spoilers, in addition to plenty of literature out there which can elaborate on the synopsis should you wish to tame your inquisitiveness, I will implement my thoughts from a different angle. I have to confess that the film moved me, and from that perspective alone, it is usually proof that the consumer (in this case, me) was gripped on the storyline and respective acting.
Caveats to the film
Even though Deadly Sisters is based on a true (and I use the word true with caution) story, there are still areas which you need to establish with regards to how much is what actually happened. A bit like my criticism of some scientific studies in the emotional preferences spectrum, the results are only as good as the honesty behind the candidate’s answers.
In other words, whilst I have no reason to not believe the vast majority is based on factual events, there is no guarantee every scene played out is what occurred in reality. Did the film production team work with the two sisters (I highly doubt this was the case, due to privacy, security, and identity consideration if nothing else), or did they base it all on what came out of the trial. As much as the trial evidence and information would have given a good grounding to what went on, nothing comes close to a person who experienced the event telling the event from their experience. To reiterate once more though, this is providing the storyteller is basing it on honesty and clear memory.
A small backdrop to the film
At the risk of contradicting myself from further up, I do feel it is necessary to articulate a few words regarding the nuts and bolts of the film. In essence, two teenage sisters (I think they were sixteen and seventeen) and their younger brother (about eight in age, but maybe younger) lived with their alcoholic mother in Ontario. What went on from there does not leave too much to the imagination.
On top of her alcoholism, and medication to compliment the cocktail, this pathetic excuse of a mother and human being of forty-four years had a liking for the wrong men. Wrong men, who liked to abuse her. The second husband (I believe he was the father of all three children, but I stand to be corrected) was a decent guy based on the film portray, but it appeared he got out due to her alcoholic ways. He went on to have a new partner and family, and it came across to me like he wanted to cut ties with all involved during his past life (including the kids).
Nevertheless, not only did the mother’s boyfriends like to abuse her, but it led the viewer to believe they also abused the daughters too. As a writer and person who never holds back in criticising women’s emotional habits and choices, but equally a moral person who detests any thought (let alone sight) of a man using his male physical domination to damage his female partner, part of me, in times of this nature, holds strong desires to dive through the television screen and give the man my strongest right hook to his face. Like I have stated in the past, there is a firm distinction between knowing when to stand up to a woman for her own good, in comparison also being the shield for when she is in desperate need of help. I digress….
The worst parts of the film
Aside of the one scene where the mother’s lover tried to abuse the youngest daughter, there were a few aspects to the film which left me with a bitter taste to my mouth. Even as I write, it still rattles me slightly as of today.
The first aspect, and this happened on at least two occasions, was when, during her pissed up moments in barely being able to stand up, the daughters encountered these pitiful visions of her hopeless existence. What a sad state of affairs to be a young adult, and having to see your parent effectively act like the kid concurrent to the kid having no choice but to play the role of the adult.
Q-tip 1: If an adult is not mentally mature and financially stable enough to bring up a child, they simply should not have a child until they are. Too many people have children when they have not even grown up themselves, and the ones left picking up the pieces are the children trying to find their way through the murky waters of life.
Second, simultaneous to being plastered and seeing the daughters as much in bewilderment as discouragement and panic, the mother then played the “I am such a bad mom” card. As far as I am concerned, this line is not worth a penny or cent if a woman cannot back up her apologetic ways with actions. In my opinion, too many women use the “I am a bad mother”, “I am a bad person”, or “I am a bad girlfriend” (although granted, women do not generally apologize unless it benefits them in some way) line in a vain attempt to detract from the sin they have committed. Too many recipients of these words are too compassionate to these women’s, in the face of it, contrition.
Q-tip 2: When a woman says she is a bad person – providing she has genuinely been a bad person and not just seeking attention for saying it - the recipient of these words (and in particular if you are the male partner in this dynamic) should ensure they reinforce the fact she has sinned, rather than be appeasing of her actions. It is only when a woman is condemned, with negative consequences to follow for her, that she may start to act in accordance. If she is not told to retribute with solid actions, her cry for sympathy will be assumed on her part that she can sin again, and again in the same manner.
However, by far the biggest gripe I had with this woman, or a dreadful title of a mother, was during one instance when she was once again under the influence. She sat on the couch kind of flirting with her lover (the man who had groped and been physical with the younger daughter a few times) who was also inebriated, with the two daughters and young son in the same room. The little boy smashed a glass or something, to which the man smacked him to the floor. The idiot left just saying something like, “I am done” (with the whole relationship etc).
As if that was not bad enough, rather than let the moron leave, form a mindset that she will only see him again if hell freezes over, and, most importantly, take instant care and concern to her son, the despicable woman instead goes running after her boyfriend in plea for him to not end things. Nothing like getting your priorities right, is there!?
A related story that I know…
This resentment of her family, and the clear illustration that a lot of women, even after mothering children, put their own life and welfare ahead of their siblings, often leads me onto a time in my childhood that never leaves my memory, albeit in a much smaller way. It hurts me to think about it, but sometimes the honesty and truth, aligned with how other men can benefit from my experiences and thoughts, is duty I feel a necessity to accept.
You will hear a lot of women go on record that nothing comes before their daughter/s or son/s, and that they would give their life for them. In >99% of cases when these female words are heard, I truly believe them.
In the larger scheme of things though, surely these words are a given. If I was a parent, I would give my heart, kidney, liver, eyes, ears and limbs to my kid if it meant them surviving and me living my last day. As a nonparent myself though, women who are mothers saying these words – that they would give their life for their child/children – is the equivalent of me saying I would give my life for my mother ahead of my best friend. Bit of a strange one, if you ask me.
The reason I perhaps am not too gratifying in these words are, whilst I do believe women when they say they would put their children ahead of anyone in the world, including their boyfriend or husband, is because this is an easy answer. As this conundrum would be a highly unlikely future decision, the words are easy to say. Even the useless woman in the film dynamic would most likely have acted in the same way.
What I am far more interested in is how said woman acts during her life, as opposed to giving out lines to make herself look better in hugely improbable scenarios. In other words, how does she act in terms of priorities when faced with the juggling act between her children and new male partner (male partner who is not the father of her child or children)?
This is when you see which women come out the sea naked, and which women just said they were naked when in the sea. From my experience in observing women over the last couple of decades – women who have children but are then dating a man who is not the father – a large percentage of them place their own happiness first, and they only place their children’s happiness ahead of their own when it would leave a negative effect on their children’s welfare, and not happiness per se.
Q-tip 3: Too many women for my liking, after having a child or children (which, let us not forget, was her choice and under her control), give the verbal broadcast that they are entitled to a life too. Yes, they are, but are they placing their own priorities and happiness ahead of their son or daughter? I believe too many are.
Q-tip 4: A woman does usually love her children over and above anyone or anything else. The problem is, the immoveable force she faces with this unconditional love is the uncontrollable female need to feel better about herself. Often, she does not strike the corrective balance that is a requirement to be a good parent.