"Things work out for the best for those who make the best of how things work out.” (John Wooden)
There are a couple of traditional ways in how a man becomes a woman’s last resort in her decision to be with him. A man should always avoid placing himself in such a last pickings dynamic, but unfortunately, all too many men seem to settle for this sad predicament. Or perhaps, most men fail to realize they are a woman’s last resort in the first place.
Example 1 – A woman’s reluctant and resentful choice of a man
In this example, it is the perennial woman who thinks she can do much better than said man she eventually picks in a reluctant manner. Sometimes she can actually do better, but often she is deluded to what kind of calibre level man she can obtain. You will find a lot of women in their late twenties and early thirties – when they are past their physical attractiveness peak, but still desirable to a decent percentage of men - go through this phase.
What you find in this scenario is as follows. The woman will have played around with her options a fair bit, never quite found the man she wanted (or more to the point, men either used her or just did not want to commit to her), and then she is left at a juncture where she is boxed into a corner in deciding to pick a man out who she knows is not good enough for her.
Some of these women will have ridden the cock carousel, whilst others will have just experienced a number of medium and long term monogamous relationships but never made it to the highest commitment phases of marriage and kids. Many women in this compartment will have waited too long for 'Mr Right' who never came along, and as we know, the longer a woman waits, the lower down the pecking order of sought-after male candidates she will be necessitated to go.
When such time arrives, most likely concurrent to the time when all or most of her female social network no longer want to do girly time and activities, this woman is confined to settle for 'Mr Not Quite Right’. He becomes her last resort, or at best, a long way down (if not at the bottom) of the pile of men she would truthfully desire to be with.
Example 2 – She missed the boat of the later bloomer
I would expect most people will be familiar with this process of events. Maybe some of you have directly experienced it for yourselves? In this situation, we have the woman who missed her chance.
The best outline example I can give is when said boy (or young man) is ignored by the typical attractive girl (or young woman) during high school, further education, or even University days. It could have occurred as early as your mid-teens, but unlikely to be later than your late teens/early twenties. That said, it could also apply in later life too. An example would be where an introverted man in his fifties (who has very little experience with women) chases after a woman in her forties.
In the case of the younger spectrum though, what happens here is quite simple. The boy or young man in this real life screenplay (and a lot of movies will have a script to suit) is basically as good as invisible to the hot or cute girl/young woman, and in spite of all his efforts to get noticed, pitiful attempts to buy her attention, and eventual multiple tears and broken heart, the female party holds not even a second of consideration to be with him on an intimate level. Sometimes she will use him as a friendzone convenience and ulterior motive, but most women will subtly tell him he has no chance.
During this timeframe, the woman is banging men – often men who are a few years older than her, and equally men with high social status but rubbish to average jobs – who she claims she is with due to their higher “maturity” level than the males her own age. I can recollect it from my own school days – fourteen to sixteen year old girls getting picked up by young men anything between three to five years her senior. Some of these men were quite ugly dudes too, but even at a younger age, women still place male local profile and popularity as a higher priority than male physical attractiveness.
Then like magic, a number of years down the line (sometimes after the early female bloomer has knocked out a kid or two via a male loser), that same woman sees the man her own age who she once disregarded. She is impressed with how he has physically grown into an attractive man, but more importantly she is radiated towards the good job he attains and further potential that sits at his feet.
The problem is, said woman is no longer the attractive young teenager who the now man once idolized about and fantasized over. With the greatest respect, she has aged so badly that she is not even now average looking in comparison to all the other women his age, let alone the cute and hot ones. Fundamentally, he cannot get away from the conversation quick enough.
In essence, the magic of time goes in two opposing directions. Said woman has become uglier and less coveted, simultaneous to said man becoming more handsome and desirable. In this case, no man in his right mind who falls into this storyline gives her a chance. Simply put, she had her chance back then, and she wasted it on other male contenders.
The uncommon example – she had the best she could get, but she went elsewhere….
There is one more uncommon plot that happens in relevance to this post. Hardly any men realize or concede it happens, such is the fact they either have no real life experience to draw upon it, or they are too envious to accept it occurs. It will not come as any surprise to most that this dynamic manifests into my own life experience, and on numerous occasions too it should be said.
Just over a year ago, I wrote this post on a time wasting woman. She had a chance to be with me, but as explained, she decided to not pursue. No skin off my nose at the time, and a lucky escape in my mind retrospectively.
Over the last year, the number of men I have seen her talking to, and noticeably looking like she would possibly take it further with them, is quite comical. From a skinny South Asian man, to an Afro-Caribbean race man who looks five years younger than her. From a (white Caucasian) man five inches shorter than her (who is about ten years older than her), to a bald headed (white Caucasian) married man (former body builder, who still looks like he is on the gear) over thirty years her senior. There have been others too.
Now, as she is an attention seeker who has more mouth than action, it is difficult to pinpoint which of these men, if any, she has gone with or would go for should they pin her into a corner. My gut tells me that all of them are just for her to satisfy her usual female attention needs, although I have seen her train with the Afro-Caribbean race younger man. There was one occasion however when he pretty much ignored her when he was on the cross trainer.
My guess tells me his ignorance towards her that day is because she bottled turning up for a date or meeting with him. This opinion is further reinforced because a couple of months ago (after him blanking her weeks before) I heard her talking to him, and she emphasized the words, “And I will be there.” Strangely, this young man has vanished from the gym, at least at the common times he went and when she is in there, over the last two months since the last time I saw them talking.
Coincidence? I am not so sure. I get the feeling she did not turn up once again, and his pride has got the better of him so he now avoids seeing her in there. I have also observed that the short guy has barely been in there over the last six months too. Older baldy man over the last couple of weeks has vanished, although I wonder if his wife (who also sporadically trains in the same gym) has said some harsh words to him!?
Q-tip 1: Never let a woman dictate your movements. Let her be the one to move away to another environment, should she feel it too hard to see you.
Where do I fall into all this?
Amongst the numerous other men I have either referred to or not, she has also on intermittent occasions placed her presence in close proximity to me. The stares are still there – sometimes in an amiable way, but other times blanking me when I walk directly past her (after she has stared from a distance). I have no inclination to be with her, I can say that without a moment’s hesitation.
With this explained, and with the pertinent words to the topic, I guess I am also now, in an uncommon and bizarre way, falling into her mindset of last resort. She did not want to be with me a year ago, I still expect she does not hold strong desires to be with me over the other uglier men (who would her feel better about herself, in contrast to me, who would do the opposite in consequently pricking her ego), but I am still a better option than her being single.
And this begs the question, why is a perennial “girl’s girl” (a woman who is usually more into girl time and personal social media whoring) now even considering me, much against her wishes, or any of the other men for that matter? In easy clarification, it appears to me that she does not have many female friends, and the one she does have who she trains with in the gym most likely has started to dive into a more meaningful relationship.
This forces a woman to haste the movements in locating a male partner, even if it goes against her natural wishes at that moment in time. At 26 or 27, especially in this post COVID world where nightlife is declining and real life socialising (not to be confused with online socialising, which is still growing) is not as prevalent, her desperation to be with a man moves from second gear to fourth gear without a transition. If her friends are no longer at the end of a phone, fifth gear is not too far away at all.
A final thought
Part of me feels sincerely sympathetic towards this woman, or towards women like her in general. It cannot be easy living a lonely life, and I full appreciate that only a small percentage of people, women and men alike, are the same way as me in the manner of being able to adapt, and genuinely like (at most times) in being in their own company. Most people need social interaction and company, and when they do not have it at their disposal, they feel like only half the recognized person in the world.
With this considered, I have looked at her with a greater level of compassion of late. Despite what a lot of people think of me in negative terms, I am actually a considerate and giving person. Sometimes one has to get to know the person instead of making their mind up on nothing more than perception or convenient belief.
Nevertheless, she soon loses my commiseration when, on another occasion, she looks at me like something the cat has just dragged in. At that moment, it just compounds my thoughts that she is dreadful girlfriend (let alone beyond that) material, even as she gets older and supposedly more mentally mature.
Q-tip 2: Most women talk a good game (hence, what they would do in broadcasting to others), but only a tiny number in relativity back it up with actions to prove their words.
Hey Vinay, great post. I wanted to ask you if you think that this "strong, independent” and “just exercising my options” feminist way of thinking during their peak years leads to women having this exact situation you talked about in this post. But also, I was curious, what would you say is a 10/10 man in physical attractiveness? Would it be Chris Hemsworth at his peak? And how would you rate compared to him? He’s a 6"3’ or 1.90 meters tall (since I know you live in the UK) guy, and I haven’t seen a guy better looking than him. Even among his Avengers costars who are good looking, too. He is the one that stands out. Thanks Vinay.ReplyDelete
Hi mate. Thanks, and hope you are well.Delete
Definitely, if you amalgamate female peak physical beauty with a feminist (or just arrogant and self-expectant) mentality, then the ingredients are there to cook up a recipe that is known as one horrible woman - in personality, self-conduct terms, and approachable terms. Add on the masses of men who kiss these women's asses, and men who dare not stand up to them, and this is all compounded further to bring about one awful predicament.
As for a 10/10 question, at the risk of upsetting you, this is not Chris Hemsworth in my view. He is a 9/10 imo. I would say I peaked at 8.5/10, although to be fair a few years on and I am still hanging on in there (although definitely no higher than 8.5/10). There are more physically attractive famous men out there than Hemsworth, imo. I will publish a post next week which illustrates two men who are (again, imo).
Btw, you pick up on a good point about the 6ft 3" (don't worry, I also work in imperial in this respect) thing. I have definitely written on this subject in the past. For me, the ideal male height (providing said man body defines to suit his height) is 6ft 1 1/2". If I am being pedantic, you could round up to 6ft 2". The reason I say 6ft 1 1/2 is because I am undecided whether 6ft 1" or 6ft 2" is the better option, but it is negligible in the whole scheme of things. It is a somewhat misconception that the taller the man is, the better. This is obviously not true, otherwise every man would like to be 7ft tall. There is naturally a sweet spot, and I stick to the 6ft 1 1/2" opinion.
All right, I’ll be waiting for your post. Thanks Vinay.Delete