You don’t have to run faster than the bear. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.” (Jim Butcher)
Whilst you will still come across a small minority of women in the Western world who radiate a positive and optimistic demeanour in your social observations, the sad reality is that the large majority discharge a vision of negative presence. You would like to think that in the last few weeks where it has been extremely hard to ignore the saddening and sickening images seen in Eastern Europe, people will have used these scenes as a way to appreciate what they have in life and to see their own problems in true perspective. Unfortunately, perspective is an alien word to most.
With the exception of women on nights out when they place a mask over their emotions (although some women still look miserable in these places too), the common sight I see – whether it be in the gym, in the workplace, walking the street, in the supermarket etc – is a female with an expression of misery, seriousness, and a look of attaining the world’s problems on her shoulders. Even as one of the least compassionate people out there, I still sometimes have a level of sympathy when I see this. When all said and done, I sincerely only hold desires for good people to be happy.
Why the long face, sweetheart?
In truth, this “misery” should be seen for what it is in real terms. Yes, sometimes it can be a woman who is just naturally miserable, but far more common is that it is not misery per se. The reason you will see women, in particular younger women (aged 18 to 30), looking so downbeat is a by-product of the self-consciousness within themselves. Self-consciousness, and her twin (but not identical twin) sister by the name of insecurity, bring about an uncontrollable, subconscious and defaulted disposition to constantly possess a long face.
Although I can recall many miserable looking women as far as my memory allows, there is no doubting in my mind that the general female occurrence of looking miserable (to reiterate – because of her self-consciousness) has compounded year on year for the last couple of decades. But why has this been the case, you may be wondering?
Granted, no scientific reasoning can be given as far as I can locate (scientific studies based on female/human emotion are generally a waste of time anyway, such is the reliance on a person’s honesty for validity and credibility), however if you want my two pennies on the main causes, I offer the following:
· Social Media (Facebook and Instagram mainly). This has manifested an obsession to try and be popular, combined with a constant conveyor belt of seeing other physically attractive women – whether that be women in their social circles, or celebrity women they follow. When someone is persistently reminded of numerous popular and attractive women out there, it can only result in said woman looking on in frustration and concern to her own level.
· Female competition. With more women than ever using aids to look more physically attractive than they naturally are – whether by the use of make-up, cosmetics, surgical enhancements, or photoshop improvements – once more women are always wondering who is over their shoulder in respect to another woman stealing the show.
· Celebrity lifestyle exposure. Whether it be the woman in the celebrity spotlight via her own right, or the woman in the arms of a celebrity and wealthy man, any random woman not living this life (hence >99.9% of women) will look on in envy of what could be. Rather than appreciate what we have, the human mind, and in particular the female mind, is channelled to think of what we do not have.
· Frustration in their own life. Most people are in jobs they gain very little satisfaction with or liking for. This applies to men as much as women, but on the basis men have greater perspective than women, women will become more bitter about this predicament. Likewise, most everyday people are not living the high life in their social time. Once again though, men generally require less thrill and change up, in comparison to women who need drama, gossip and excitement to broadcast to others. When women are, usually, on the wrong side of both circumstances, disappointment in life is a hard face to conceal.
· A shortage of male quality. As life becomes harder for ‘Average Joe’ to make ends meet, the gap between female expectancy in life and the feasible providing level of the average man has become wider and wider. A woman who holds standards too high (standards higher than her physical attractiveness can offer men) in men will either stay single and lonely or, more likely, settle for a man who will never be the man she truly wanted to be with. When this occurs, she ends up resenting both the man she is with, and life.
· WhatsApp groups. Not dissimilar to the first explanation with regards to social media, WhatsApp or similar facilities have also been a detriment to women’s happiness. The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) and need to be popular will nearly always rule a woman’s mind over making logical and sensible decisions, but the simple truth is that women now can barely go a few minutes of life without looking at what is going on, and who is living a more exciting (although usually exaggerated in excitement) existence. Imagine also how much bitching must go on in these female WhatsApp groups. This can’t lead to too many smiles, that’s for sure.
So, in essence, all the above offers a clear reasoning to why a woman lives most of her life in worry, frustration, envy, and negativity. This is in place of what it should be - happiness, optimism, positivity, and appreciation of what she has in life.
The flip side of misery
Nevertheless, what you will often find (for men who are brave enough to interact with women they do not know personally) is a woman who plays the total opposite role to what you saw when she had her head down when she walked past you, or when she was in continual viewing and typing of her phone when stood or sat near you. A fair proportion of women will likely ignore a man if he did try to interact – either by walking quickly away in the street or pretending she can’t hear or see you in vain attempt to hide behind the headphones she is wearing – but some women will interchange in conversation, such is the greater urge of some male attention.
When she does (kindly!) stop still or take her headphones off for a minute or two, it will be no coincidence if she starts to talk a lot about herself. In the immediate interaction, this is a good thing (as opposed to a woman just giving abbreviated answers) because it will ease the pressure on you to produce ceaseless topics to talk about. The chances are she will ask you next to nothing about yourself, but don’t let this dissuade you early on.
In this period of responding to your questions, the strong likelihood is that her answers will derive in a form of presenting how exciting, popular, positive, busy, dramatic, and fast-paced her rollercoaster life is. Most men (including my former self) can often be a little disheartened when this occurs, as they will believe she has very little time for him should they be a couple, but with experience you will soon start to realize that this exaggeration does not align with the reality.
An easy formula to use when assessing an exaggerating woman is this:
A woman’s verbal execution, divided by 2.5 = The actuality
This formula can be used in both the positive and negative language she uses, by and large.
And this over expressing of her lifestyle can be an education to abide by when dating or in a relationship with her too. The big advantage you have when past the interaction base is that you can now see the misalignment with your own two eyes, as opposed to reading between the lines of what she is telling you.
How does a man deal with it all?
Ultimately, the only way to ever be relaxed with this female extreme behaviour is to be the cool, calm and collected cucumber around her. When she is down, listen to her, but know that nine times out of ten she will not be as depressed as she makes out. As the statistics back up, more women threaten to commit suicide, but more men go through with committing suicide. I think this tells its own story…
On the other hand, whether it be in the immediate or post interaction, fathom that her overstated life preoccupations are not what she verbalizes. Much of the time she is telling you how occupied, rapid and sought-after she is will, but in practice, it will be less than half the amount she claims. Much of this time will be spent watching TV on her own.
A final thought
With all this said, if a woman is using made-up excuses to not see you due to the bullshit reasons as explained above, the facts of the matter are it is one of two things:
1) She is testing you in the early stages to see first how clingy and needy you are, and second, how much you have going on in your life too.
2) If she does this on more than two occasions (and two occasions is the allowance as an absolute maximum - if nothing but to cut her some slack if she is, in the unlikely event, telling the truth), make no more contact with her other than respond if she messages you. The strong likelihood is she is not serious about taking things further.
When a woman genuinely needs you, listen to her, and give constructive, honest and compassionate thoughts to her situation. When she claims she is so busy and popular, treat it as water off a duck’s back, in addition to playing fire with fire in discretely showing you are equally up to your neck in it in this respect. A woman is more attracted to a man when fighting for his time, and her heart is repelled when comprehensive to him striving for her time.