Thursday 24 June 2021

When is the optimum stage to approach a woman who fancies you?


“In nearly all aspects of life, there will be a buyer for every seller,

and a seller for every buyer.”


Whilst I like to think I, sooner rather than later these days, make the right decisions in life on a vast majority basis, I’ll always hold my hands up when making inefficient moves.  Facing up to your mistakes, no matter how distant or recent they belong to your past, will pretty much always be beneficial in comparison to those who live in their own bubble in believing they are immune to making any incorrect processes.

Q-tip 1:

The smartest people in life will be those who made and learned from their mistakes and failures, because without this negative experience they wouldn’t be in a position to consequently construct life changing success stories.

The backdrop

About seven weeks ago I was training in the gym on an early Sunday morning.  Whilst gyms have become slightly busier on these unsociable times (mainly due to less activity on weekend nights due to social restriction measures over the last year or so), needless to say that seeing an attractive woman during this timeframe is extremely rare.  If you were to give it a couple of hours – hence from 10am onwards as opposed to 8am to 9am – then the numbers of women worth checking out would be marginally higher.

Nevertheless, on this particular day, towards the last fifteen minutes of my workout when I concluded with the boxing bags, I saw a very nice-looking woman aged round 25 to 26.  She was in immaculate shape, with tidy medium to long straight blonde hair.  Pretty face.

At the risk of tooting my own horn, her glances towards me were undeniable.  More than that though, her looks appeared very friendly and without any resentment whatsoever.  It appeared her acceptance of my existence was with forthcoming admiration.  I’m certainly no stranger to women looking at me, but more often than not it is with a clear sexual liking but obvious nose out of joint expression in concurrence.  

A couple of weeks later – same day of the week and time give or take – I saw her again from a distance.  She had one of the personal trainers talking to her for a few minutes as she warmed up on the treadmill.  When I was on the bags once more, she came towards the weights area (about 20 yards from me).  Once more, her looks towards me were transparent and with the same amiable manner.  As I walked past her whilst she was in mid repetition stream, she smiled once more.  In hindsight, that is the point I should have interacted.  I guess I’m not a fan of disturbing someone in during weights workout (never helps when they have earphones in too), but I can’t use that as too much of an excuse.

Why didn’t I approach her?

In essence, there were a few reasons I didn’t approach at that time:

·       As alluded to above, I prefer to approach women in the gym when they are either on a slow-paced treadmill/cross-trainer etc, or around the core area where no machines are taken up.  Rightly or wrongly, I am a person who prides himself on common courtesy and general etiquette, and for it to be a worthwhile conversation to move things on with her we would need to speak for a good while.  If I was a third party, I’d be annoyed in waiting for a machine to be free when two people are not training.

·       On the back of the above point, from my experience women tend to not be at their most interactive and engaging when around the weights area and desiring to crack on.  That said, in retrospect her interest indicators towards me would have conceivably negated this obstacle.

·       The best-looking men can, once more from acquired from my first-hand experience, often find it counter-productive to approach a woman too early in the social interaction phase.  This is because a large percentage of women will have perceptions towards these men as being players, and if he approaches her the minute he sees her then said woman will usually assume if approaches inundated women in playing the numbers game.  If she allows her mind to just believe she is another woman, she will often automatically reject him in terms of taking it further.

·       I just assumed I would see her again the following week (or week after latest), to which all concerns as stated above would be mitigated to an extent and the timing would be about right.

Women don’t stick at things for long

Not for the first time though, insurance policy thought-process of seeing her again never materialised.  I have been at the gym every Sunday for the last four weeks, and she has been nowhere to be seen. 

This could be partly down to having a boyfriend, and I was nothing more than the usual better sexual arousing vision than her male partner.  She doesn’t want to go down any further temptation lines, at least not until she has totally become repulsed with her current man. 

Another possibility is that she could be in fact single, and she was disappointed I never approached her.  She may have assumed I am romantically involved with another woman.  By changing her workout time, she can remove the amalgamated ill-feeling of being attracted to a man she believes is unattainable. 

 Lessons learned

We are all masters in hindsight.  I don’t totally blame myself and I’m not completely beating myself up, because in these moments a man may have nothing more than a few minutes – simultaneous to focusing on the mind-body concentration of his own workout – to weigh things up.  Once home, with hours to think about it, things become much clearer on what perhaps was the better course of action. 

There is an argument, with the above anecdote used as a case in point, that a man should just approach a woman as soon as he finds her attractive in his peripheral vision.  This isn’t a bad argument at all.  For one, he removes all mitigating circumstances such as never seeing her again.  Second, once he has asked her out, he knows one way or the other if she is willing to venture on (although it has to be said that a woman accepting to go out with a man is by no means an acceptance that she will sleep with him in due course).

A final thought – based on men’s physical attractiveness

So to wrap this up, if all else is equal then a good/very-good looking man has two options.  He either approaches on the first day he has clear signs of her sexual interest, or he waits for the second meeting.  Any longer than that, and he runs the firm risk of flushing the opportunity down the toilet.

On the other hand, less physically attractive men ranging from anything between below average to above average have less to think about.  Most of these men will not receive sexual predilection hints from women, and they will not obtain a female projected perception onto him that he attains a plethora of female admirers and options.  With this in mind, a man who falls into some level of male physical attractiveness mediocrity can approach a woman on the first attempt and most likely receive beneficial results in comparison to waiting at all.

This is because the woman will not think, unlike her thoughts towards the best-looking men, that he walks up to anything that wears a skirt.  Even in the unlikely event she does think this, she will still not believe many women will accept his advances.  Consequently, the confidence she sees him portray – in having the balls to approach her – is far advantageous to any other thought she may manifest in her mind.

On the rarer occasions when this below average to above average looking man does receive a glance or two from target woman and it appears he has interest, he should probably still approach on first sight.  Maybe he should wait a few minutes of course just to keep her on her toes. 

Q-tip 2:

Ironically, when a woman hints for a man who is less physically attractive than her (in gender relative terms) to approach her, yet he does not approach her, she becomes more attracted to him than the same woman would be if she hinted for a better-looking man to interact with her. Equally, her nose would be put out of joint even more by the former man than the latter man.  It is all to do with which man she expects to bow down to her beauty, and which man she anticipates will not appreciate her beauty as much.

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