Wednesday 2 April 2014

Watch out: she’s on a mission to settle down

“The real world is only an opening of the eyes away.  Sometimes we fail to recognize the harsh truth of this reality, and other times we refrain from believing the facts of life.  Whilst naïve, maybe we shouldn’t blame people who choose either of these paths, as maybe it is a simple case of preference towards the fiction of a fairytale world.  And on other occasions, it is easier for us to assume than to observe.”

Sometimes a woman will believe it can seem like it is hard to find a good man.  After the bad boy has broken her heart, only for her to go on and try another one, the nice guy is wondering why she keeps falling for those who care little for her.  Then when she gives this nice guy his long awaited chance, she wakes up a month or two down the line with thoughts of how to let him down gently.  When she meets the high value genuine man, the one who strikes the balance, she rejects him due to her insecurity and trust issues, her fear of not being appreciated enough, or her feeling in losing a sense of purpose to her life due to the unspoken, yet felt, inability to leverage her physical beauty.  The sugar daddy is, well, just a creepy old man.  Oh, and that status man at work - doesn’t he have a wife and two kids he won’t leave, even though she pretty much tried everything to make it happen.

This is a typical pattern a woman will go through in her dating years.  As these years pass, friends start to settle down with their dream man (yes, that’s what they will tell her even though they are still convincing themselves), and this just reinforces her self-pity and belief that no decent men are out there and that life just isn’t fair on her.  As far as she’s concerned, she is the only woman in the world to have experienced such bad luck in being placed in this lonely predicament.

Most women naturally mature physically a couple of years before their male counterparts.  With the aid of fake identification, in addition to physical evolution, girls will start to venture on nights out as early as sixteen years of age, and they will encounter relationships with older guys.  Some go to University, some don’t, but by the time they have passed their mid 20s and their popularity and social networks aren’t what they once were, they have saturated and exhausted the attention seeking girls nights out.  Even if they still enjoy the female gatherings, the phone isn’t ringing to arrange the next one like it did in previous years.  Basically, this kind of woman is single, lonely, lacking attention, and questioning what the future holds.  Some may cloud their depression with vain attempts to convince themselves, and others, that their career is the priority at this time in life.   Others can devise false stories about not having the time for a supplicated man right now.  However, nine out of ten women who use justifications of this nature are every bit as desperate to find a man as their less work-orientated girl friends.  This woman wants to settle down, and settle down quickly.

When a woman reaches this stage in her life, she is no longer thinking like the young girl who commenced her dating adventure all those years ago.  Back then it was a simple case of thinking she needed the fictional nice guy in the movie to treat her like a princess, whilst deep down knowing she wanted the bad boy in hope she could be the one to change him.  In an ideal world, she now finds the jerk and captures his heart in gradually making him responsible, calmer and nicer.  But her logical mind has taken over and she knows this won’t happen.  A high value man is desirable, as he has his life in place, but there’s still that question mark that sits between her ears asking - “does he appreciate me enough?”  Remember, she has her life planned out in her head right now in these steps:

  • Find a man
  • Settle down quickly and live with him
  • Engagement
  • Marriage
  • Children

She is in a place where she desires to dictate the situation, one she cannot do with either a bad boy or a high value man.  So which guy is usually the prey to be clutched from her claws?  Of course, it’s the beta male biting the bait. 

Two of my closest friends have fallen victim to this all so common occurrence of getting trapped into a relationship that wasn’t on their terms.  In all fairness, both of them do seem happy on the face of it, but in truth I only see them a couple of times a year, therefore who knows what they truthfully think?  At the time, both of them were enjoying the single life and acting in a way of living day by day within their own visions and priorities.  To put some context on the two women they met:

  • 24 year old woman with very few friends due to her recent move from an Eastern European country.  She had a decent income and career, and she rented a house with a friend.  The lease was due to expire in two months time.
  • Woman just turned 30.  She had been previously married and was going through a rough divorce.  She was living with her parents at the time.  Decent job and career. At the time she was dating a jobless local guy who was only 21.

Within 3 months of meeting these women, they both suddenly had the bombshell dropped on them that their girlfriends were pregnant.  Houses, engagements and marriages would follow shortly.

Sometimes things in life are just meant to be.  Maybe in these two cases this is exactly what epitomizes the phrase?  One day they were enjoying their life, the next they are living in another world.  In my opinion it’s every much as, if not more, my friend’s faults for getting themselves into this position.  But on the other hand, if your girlfriend informs you she is on the contraceptive pill, only to a month later tell you she is expecting a baby, what is a guy to do?  I’ve heard the phrase of “I was sick just after taking the tablet” just once too often to believe this is a sheer coincidence.  Who knows, maybe the chemotherapy treatment I went through to kill my cancer was a sign.  In summary, chemo kills a man’s sperm count, reducing his chance to fertilize a woman.

Women can sense a man who will settle down with them like ants can sniff sugar.  They will find out information on a man quicker than he ever imagines.  She will know the kind of guy she can tie down, to be her lapdog, and to dictate his life.  From here on in, she has the power.  If she did capture an alpha style man, his commitments to her and the situation enforce him to become more of a beta in personality.  If he was always beta, like over 80% of men are in any case, then all that has happened is she now has attached an extra couple of strings to the puppet that he always was.

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