See it through her eyes: reasons women struggle for a life of happiness

“Happiness is never absolute.  When it arrives we take it for granted, and when it diminishes we believe it is our right.  Happiness never lasts for the time we wish for, it rarely runs in parallel with our endeavours in life, and we can wrongly assume it is unconditional as part of our existence.  Sometimes we have to live through an illness, a disaster or continuous misfortune before we appreciate life for the beauty it is.  Only then can we acknowledge that happiness is not a commodity that is gifted to us unconditionally.”

I would expect any given man, from any given place, has spent a good few days in his life taken up by bad feelings and thoughts towards women.  Even masters of women, and hardly any in the world exist, will have gone through a phase when they wonder why a certain female who has stolen his heart had acted in a certain way.  Why did she lie?  What made her unapproachable or unreceptive?  Why has she chosen him over me?  Why did she appear to stop trying?  Why did she leave me?

To understand reasons why a woman, especially an attractive woman with options from numerous men, acts in the way she does, a man has to formulate a background to how she will have been treated and seen upon by people close to her when growing up through her younger years.  If she was an attractive child at school, she would have always been popular with other boys and girls alike, whilst teachers gave her a certain amount of leeway due to her pretty eyes gazing into them.  Her parents gave her praise and belief in herself beyond the nature of a parent with an average looking kid.  Of course, many attractive women were also late bloomers, as they may not have been cute kids but they blossomed out in their late teens.  In this case, a woman’s ego boost has simply been delayed, and it doesn’t take a woman long to be convinced she is acquiring more attention and interest from others in comparison to her female peers.  So no matter what phase of life it strikes her, she is now in a place that makes her believe she is in the special segment within the minority of women out there.  For example, if most of these women with this mentality believe this is the case with them, whether rightly or wrongly, they are in the top twenty percent of physically attractive looking women if taken from a random group.  I’m sure many people have come across women who they view in falling below this select group - only for them to have false belief they are in it – an example is a 6.5/10  woman in believing she is an 8/10 rating.  It’s also important not to disregard successful higher status women, in career terms, as they also can attain high opinions of themselves.

So basically this woman has lived in her own life bubble of attention, praise and idolization from others.  This kind of woman is often one who never leaves her small town, as she has a great need to be a big fish in a small pond.  Or ever notice that attractive girl who never gives way to another car despite it being their right of way, or a woman who doesn’t queue in the traffic leading to a slip road?  That is typically her.  She has always had her own way in life, she has always been accustomed to people looking up to her, and she has mostly come away from situations believing the reason for all this is down to her beauty.  For this reason alone, her apparent selfish and self-centered mentality has not necessarily evolved through her own high opinion of herself, and it is in fact down to other people allowing her to believe she is a cut above the rest of her close network of friends and acquaintances.

Now because she has this vision of herself and her own spectrum of life, with everyone and everything else sitting outside of it, she has the belief that the world, and most importantly, men, should make the extra step to please her.  In her tunnel vision thought process, life owes her something because of her attraction.  However, in the world of attraction and potential relationships, this is where life becomes tougher for her, because what she believes she needs - hence nice guys - isn’t what she wants.  What she wants – the bad boys - isn’t what she thinks she deserves.  What could give her both - in this case a high value man - makes her question her own value.  Weak beta males out there are tongue hanging in hope she can in some way see an intimate attraction to their nice ways.  Bad boys want her in sexual ways, but with no concern to her emotional needs.  As for high value men, like most aspects of the attraction world, these men sometimes desire a little too much beyond her natural beauty.  They are seen as high maintenance men.  Even if they don’t expect too much, she can often doubt her own worth and purpose alongside him.

When it comes to her dating sequence, this is how it most likely runs:

Step one: Falls into the arms of a bad boy

No matter how much she tries to convince herself otherwise, she is infatuated by the local bad boy.  It’s not that he is unbelievably good looking or has great personality, but the challenge and knowledge of his popularity draws her towards him.  She loves the thought of being naughty, and whilst he isn’t giving her what she thinks she should have in terms of being idolized, the chemistry is too strong to think of this negative aspect.  As she is young, she has no concern to the probable lack of long term relationship this guy can offer her.  She just has the adrenalin day to day rush.  The thing a bad boy has up his sleeve is that he achieves, without trying, in making her realize the world isn’t only about her.  She sees this bond of “us against the world”.  It isn’t totally selfless from her point of view.  She knows other people are interested in the two of them, so her attention requirement is satisfied too.  By dating this young man she sees further validation in her importance from her closet peers.  Unfortunately, there are too many other pretty girls for on option hungry guy like this, and once bored, he is on to her equally attractive girl friend.  Her first broken heart is the outcome.

Step two: Gives the nice guy his chance 

So despite subconsciously knowing she craves for bad boys, she is convinced she deserves a period in her life in being valued more by a boyfriend.  As most men fall into the category of an average looking male with beta characteristics, there will be inundated numbers who will happily take on this role.  The average looking nice guy has probably been waiting in the wings for some months or even years, vainly believing she will get tired of being treated like dirt and that she now needs a man like him.  This is where a beta male kicks himself in the teeth.  It’s not that he doesn’t realize attractive women actually want or like bad boys, although many always persist in thinking it is her bad luck or it is a coincidence, his problem is he doesn’t understand the reasons why.  If only beta males out there actually improvised and gave her more of a challenge once captured.  It’s like the polar opposite to the dynamic in how a woman tries to turn a bad boy nicer.  If the nice guy wasn’t actually as “nice” as she perceived, he’d be much more challenging to her.  Nevertheless, he is adamant she will learn to love him if he continues with his supplicated, sycophant and desperate ways.

This guy is safe for her. She knows he will not do any better than her, and she has returned to younger habits of being around people who see her as a princess.  For a period of time this is ideal for her.  Although she will never admit to the lack of chemistry he gives her, the feeling of being valued once more overpowers this intrinsic concern for the time being.  The way he treats her is unprecedented.  She tells her friends about all the things he does for her, all the money he spends on her, and how many times he tells her he is in love with her.  Unfortunately, all these great feelings make her feel good as a person, but they fail in making her feel better in a visceral sense.  Here lies the root to her problem with this guy.  This kind of relationship is about “her” and not “them”.  For all his good ways, they are not gifts that get her sexual organs moist, and she wakes up one day acknowledging she cannot possibly spend or stand another day looking at him.  She will acknowledge he’s a great guy, and state that it just didn’t work out.  At no stage will she say out loud that his “nice” ways were not to her liking.  She will simply put it down to him being the wrong type of nice guy.

Step three: Approached by a high value man

She may even repeat steps one and two before encountering step three, but it will happen eventually.  In summary so far: she has had chemistry without being loved, and then she has been idolized without a feeling of emotional chemistry.  By now, she is probably at the stage when she has realized that being placed on a pedestal and receiving unlimited attention is something she wants from the majority of people in her life.  What the experience of the nice guy has made her realize is that when it comes to a boyfriend, this isn’t actually what she desires over a long period of time.  Also, she now accepts in her mind, although not to other people, that in reality she needs to have to fight to be idolized by a boyfriend.  A nice guy gives her this too easily and too rapidly.  A bad boy never gives her this at all, and it epitomizes in a nutshell the main reason to her contrasting words of what she says she wants against the things she needs.

This is the balance a clever, handsome, strategic and high value man has mastered.  He has his own life, but he also appreciates her needs too.  He knows, having probably lived out the roles of both the nice guy and bad boy in previous relationships, that an equality of both characters is the way forward.  He can take the positive traits from both parties, erase the negative characteristics they both attain, and give her too much rather than too little space.  He borders on being less complimenting rather than over complimenting.  He is challenging to her views instead of extreme apathy or supplication.  Yet if leaning towards one extreme is necessary, he leans towards the bad boy’s mannerisms rather than those delivered by the nice guy.

A high value man has the best opportunity to keep her if he can get to that stage.  So here lies the problem for both parties: it is the hardest case in the initial attraction, as the woman’s brain goes through three processes:

• Impulse
• Emotive
• Logic

Her impulse thought process is one of “god, he’s fit” or “I can see other women looking at him…he’s a challenge…I like that.”  She will have a few discrete looks at him, and she may harbour ambitions of him approaching her.

If he does approach her, the emotive function can go one of two ways.  She will be either melted away by his natural looks, charm, personality and charisma, or she will form into a shell and act disinterested.  The latter option is to maintain fiction of higher value, and in addition she will also conceivably give him compliance tests to drag down his obvious appeal.  Most sharp high value men will be aware that both of these acts are positive.  One is a silent compliment, whilst the other is a back-handed compliment.

Unfortunately for him (and in many ways her too), her logical, or often illogical process takes over.  What she instinctively found attractive, hence women looking at him, now makes her feel insecure.  Questions of - “why would he choose me over her?” or “will I be just another notch on his belt?” will arise.  The following day she sees a woman as, or more, physically attractive than her, she immediately thinks of the great guy she met last night and she assumes this potential intruder could be someone he’s interested in.  She never stops to think that she may in fact be his type, and although there is a blonde, skinny stunner standing over the road, he actually prefers curvy brunettes - as she is.  She is at her insecurity peak at this moment, and the necessity to protect her ego and emotions overpower her willingness to give a great guy a chance in her life.  She will not invest emotionally, as she is assuming the worst.  She questions her value against his, and jealous friends of hers pour further fuel onto the fire by reinforcing the negative questions she has, and in turn dismissing any optimism she suggests.  So what happens?  She doesn’t return his call, or makes up a long winded and dishonest rejection story about it not being the right time.

So if you ever see a woman as a cold-hearted, arrogant selfish woman, maybe take a few moments to think about the fact all she wants in life is to be genuinely happy.  She’s just like anybody else, really.

To summarize, this is her dilemma:

                                          Biggest Positive                      Strongest Negative

Bad Boy                           Challenge/Chemistry                Lack of concern to her

                                                                                              emotional needs

Nice Guy                           Attention & love                        No chemistry 

High Value Man               The balance between              Her insecurity and decreased ego

                                           nice and bad                            due to lack of self-value

They all satisfy her in one way, but unfortunately not in the another aspect.  Many women can be complex species, and men need to comprehend this fact sooner rather than later if they wish to be happy and stress free during interaction and relationship phases.  Women are known to act on emotion, but often they make their biggest mistakes through logical thinking.  Or more to the point, they will think illogical when looking through logical eyes.  I guess this is why men love them so much.

If good and genuine men ever feel the need to question the lack of fair play that coincides with women’s decisions to choose jerks over nice guys, they should look at it in this way.  Bad boys offer a perfect blend and balance of challenge, validation and physical importance comfort to women who choose to dive in with these men.  Unlike the supplicated, unchallenging and over complimenting nice guys – who make up the bulk of male suitors – a bad boy provides a test in instigating and preserving a woman’s interest.  His popularity and reputation creates a path to prove her identity and worth to external parties when alongside him.  The importance to how a woman perceives others look upon her should never be overlooked when analyzing her decisions in life.  And whilst most of these men are above the average look of the perennial nice guys, they are rarely as striking to the eye as the exclusive group of very good looking men.  This underrated factor acts as the main foundation for a woman to feel a physical level above him in her most obsessed, yet most important, sexual market value measurement.  With all this in consideration, many women are far more likely to oversight a bad boy’s inefficiencies, over and above their harsh critique of other men’s slightest errors of judgments.       

This will explain why a woman repels from a good looking high value man, but she becomes bored, over time, with an unchallenging beta male nice guy.  Maybe this is a strong justification for women having strong inclinations to be with jerks who they know will treat them badly.  At least with them, they can almost act on impulses and emotions but without the concern to a longer term view of assessing if her value is too high or too low.  It is a means to an end dynamic, and although the parting of ways and broken heart is the inevitable result, this irresponsible type of man eradicates any need to foresee beyond tomorrow.

The female mind goes through a torment of never quite knowing what it wants.  It appears to be pulled from different directions, within different emotions, and on different occasions.  One moment it requires peace, happiness and a stable environment, but then in a split second it seems to need a supply of intensity, drama and conflict.  A woman’s emotional balance, and how she views a man’s power over her, is also never in a place that offers satisfaction.  She appears to fear being in total awe of a man, in consequently feeling inadequate in comparison, but then she cannot be satisfied with a man who she believes is lower value than her.  She won’t desire inundated numbers of women being magnetized towards him (unless he was famous or with extreme high social status – as she would make an exception in this case), but she doesn’t want to be with a man who doesn’t attract any women.

A woman has a small window of opportunity – her peak sexual market value phase – to sell her value to men in finding the most suitable future mate.  In this duration she will also hold the will to display her placard to friends and foes in its full glory.  This window may be as little as three years.  This small period of time is a large price to pay for the opportunity she has within this maximized potential time frame to find the prized asset amongst the hoards of hidden talents or wasted causes.  She doesn’t have time to spend on selling dead horses, but she also needs to hold onto her morals and integrity, no matter how manipulative or economical with the truth she has to be to achieve both tasks.  This fundamentally leaves her with no option but to often lie to men or devise false reasons explaining why the relationship is not working out.  Ultimately, a woman has this limited ticking time bomb to sell herself to the male world.  Once the bomb explodes, she is looking down on men she wouldn’t pick through choice.  In the regular world, the number of high calibre men can seem few and far between to a woman with reasonable standards, but unlike a man’s mentality in direct comparison, not as many women have the fortitude and independence to travel the course of life alone.  This means many of them take the perceived safer bet in a less desirable man, than the unknown world of waiting and to see what destiny might bring.  But as women are rarely proactive and forthcoming in making things happen in life – especially in emotional terms – the lottery of settling down with a man who doesn’t give her butterflies will appear like odds worth taking.  So if there are men out there who cannot find it in them to move on from their broken heart due to the bizarre stories they have been told by their most recent ex-girlfriend, it may be a worthwhile exercise to take a step back and, just for a few moments, see it though her eyes.