“Being a poorer version of your true self is more enriching than being a better version when trying to be someone else.”
Perhaps subconsciously and only acknowledged retrospectively, but the fundamental reason dawned on me recently to why I lost my passion for football (soccer). Considering how I once loved the game, and somewhat hero-worshipped a few of the high profile players when I was a kid, makes this a sad state of affairs, but I can only be honest with myself to the true reasoning.
In essence, I reached an age in my life when I became older than the average professional footballer. Whilst nobody (or very few honest people) enjoys becoming older (although there are advantages where age acts as a benefit, especially for men), when the years tick by it is just an accepted cycle of life. You live via a linear curve from a new-born baby to grasping your final breaths, whether that finale results in illness, tragedy, or simple father time.
I have, in the main, been a reasonable acceptant of the all so common psychological predicament of knowing you are getting older. Not everyone is so lucky, or maybe mentally strong, in this respect, as they struggle to navigate through the path of life that is becoming older. I am a firm believer that, when you hear about celebrities committing suicide in their thirties and forties, this is a by-product of not yielding favourably to the “what once was” memory, and once the attention on themselves is not close to what it once was, they decide to live in peace rather than live in recollection. This view of mine may seem harsh and cynical, but this blog was never designed for politically correct language and explanation.
A pitiful sight in football
Going back to why I lost my passion for the game then, it emerged in my mind that a number of friends and acquaintances were idolizing footballers – sometimes footballers a full decade their junior – and consequently kissing their asses to a degree and sight where I almost desired to puke up. It was a pitiful living delivery in full hands over eyes. Not that I am a believer of kissing any other man for that matter, but when it is a younger man who is the recipient of this idolization, it becomes all that more cringeworthy.
As someone who has spent his whole adult life trying to be the best product of the person I can be, you can imagine scenes and verbalizations of this kind – older men kiss assing younger men – were too much for me to take. Ultimately, I was left with a choice. I could either ridicule them all for it, which almost certainly would have made me the bad guy in all this, and they would have likely held it against me, or I leave the scene entirely. The latter option was naturally the easiest and most sensible one to take.
Other men as role models?
Not that I am against a man having role models, or perhaps more in my case, men who I admire in terms of their character and demeanour, and, to a lesser extent, their look and style. For example, I look up to the late Nelson Mandela for his sacrifices, courage, and clear approachability in spite of his worldwide fame. I am inspired by the talent and charisma of Will Smith and Justin Timberlake. The appearance and elegance of Enrique Iglesias, Cristiano Ronaldo and Matteo Berrettini receive my instant admiration.
Nevertheless, all the six men mentioned are seen in my eyes as simply human beings where I look to improvise my whole self, in manifesting to devise the best version of myself that plausibility allows, and that limitations restrict. I look at all the good aspects of my grandparents, parents, and brother, simultaneous to aspiring in refraining from allowing their bad parts sneak onto my persona. Sometimes the negatives from your ancestors and siblings are within your control to eradicate, but unfortunately other times the genetics are too strong a force to compete with.
Q-tip 1: If you accept your weaknesses, you are in a much better position to suppress, mitigate and even possibly remove them gradually and entirely. When a person strolls though life thinking they are right about everything, they continue to be wrong for an indefinite time. Often this time is forever.
The gym kiss asser
To wrap this post up, if ever there is a man (Craig) you would strive to not be like in this respect, it is the man I am about to explain. He is about thirty-seven in age. I feel a little bad speaking of him this way because his heart is in the right place and he is much friendlier and sociable than the average person in today’s world, however he just gets it all horribly wrong.
I believe a large proportion of his kiss assing exploitation is a consequence of his small man syndrome, insecurity, and inability to just be comfortable within his own environment. The most confident men you will find are those who can just blend into an environment, get on with their duties, yet feel no necessity to talk to anyone around. Your gym time is a prime example of this advice.
Unfortunately, in Craig’s case, he always seems inclined to talk to anyone he either knows well, or barely at all. Add on his annoying high volume voice (you can hear what he is saying from thirty yards away), and it is all the more crushing to what people must think of him.
One instance, there was this man benching dumbbells sat next to me. I would say he is a few years younger than Craig. He was lifting fairly impressive weights, however Craig felt the need to go and compliment him on it, and ask him how he does it. It is beggars belief to me in terms of what a man has to gain by doing what Craig did.
If this was not bad enough though, he engages numerous men a decade or more younger than him, sucking up to them and asking them all about how they do that, or how good they are at this. I just feel like saying to him - be your own man, mate.
A final thought – how do women construe this?
Any honest woman will tell you that seeing an older man kiss assing a younger man is maybe the quickest way to lose any sexual attraction onto him, on the basis there was some attraction in the first place. It is detrimental enough if she saw him standing in awe of an older man, but this is slightly more forgiving. If she sees him adulating a man his junior, she is only going to think he has very little to offer.
Because, simply put, there is very little, if anything, that an older man should need to learn off someone quite a bit younger. Occasionally there will be, however by and large this should not be the case.
Q-tip 2: Years equate to age. Age equates to experience. Experience equates to learning. Learning equates to wisdom. Wisdom equates to self-mastery.
Q-tip 3: If you find yourself soliciting a man younger than you, it may be a good time to commence contemplating how you can improve yourself, and how you can become a better version of yourself.