“When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience.” (Suraj Dahal)
There’s a man in the gym in his mid-thirties (he has actually told me he is 35 when he nosily asked me my age during the first conversation) who has recently made me think even further on how far a preselected man (or at least in this case a man who is seen talking to a few attractive women) can be seen as more attractive to other attractive women, over and above his face value of male physical attractiveness, per se.
A small synopsis of him:
· 5 ft 5” tall (therefore considerably shorter than the average man).
· Above average (but not stand out) in facial attractiveness.
· Bulky muscle and in good definition (clearly on some induced enhancement).
· Tattoo sleeves on both arms, back and legs.
· Constant use of sunbeds (something else he told me).
· Very sociable (more on this below).
· Very loud speaking (you can hear him from fifty yards away).
· Walks around with headphones on.
· He has a partner (don’t think he is married) and two kids aged around five and seven.
It doesn’t take more than two eyes to know he is far more confident than the average man in there, but bear in mind that the average age of guys training in the morning is about ten years younger than him. Men of that age tend to be a lot more self-conscious and less confident, by and large, than older male gym counterparts. When he interacts with me, and to be fair he does interact and always friendly acknowledge, I sense his confidence and inner security go south a little. He doesn’t like to stand next to me for too long, yet he is happy to have long conversations with any Tom, Dick or Harry elsewhere. This is nothing new to me though, as life experience has taught on many occasions.
There are two schools of thought when it derives to a man being sociable in the gym, and the respective way women will view this in terms of their attraction onto him based on this entity seen in isolation to anything else.
· The positive of a very sociable man who talks to many people in the gym is that women are projected towards men with social status, popularity, and those who know a lot of other people (providing the “others” aren’t all losers). With this in mind, even if a woman has no immediate sexual attraction onto said sociable man, the fact he is engaging with many other people in that same environment manifests to produce a woman who is now more interested in him. And, it should be said, a woman who is now more open to taking things further with him because of this social proof element.
· The negative is that a man of this excessive sociable nature comes across as someone who isn’t taking his training seriously. The best workouts are a product of low (or none) social interaction. Some women will frown upon this low training intensity and dedication, although based on the fact that women do not actually want men to look too good, this frowning is of a low percentage in both female quantity and expression.
With this considered, it is a fair assumption that an overly sociable man in the gym gains more than he does in turn lose. Personally, I’m not a very sociable person in the gym, although I will always at least acknowledge someone walking in the direct opposite direction to me. The explanation to this lack of social inclination is quite simple. I simply desire for the best results from my workout.
A couple of recent anecdotes
About three months ago, this man struck up a conversation with the woman at the centre of this previous post. Now I always say that any man who has the balls to talk to an attractive woman he doesn’t know personally should be applauded. In a world where it is apparent most men are too scared to talk to cute and hot women they don’t know, or at least need to have Dutch courage in the form of alcohol in their system beforehand, I hail men who have the cojones to do this sober and without a care.
I had a good vantage point when I first saw them talking. They may have talked before, but to me I was reasonably obvious it was their first conversation. There looked extraordinarily little connection between them, and it was the typical dynamic you see of this kind:
· The lesser looking man in relative gender terms out the two asking question after question in her direction, with no interest shown in return on the woman’s part.
· The lesser looking man clearly physically attracted to the woman.
· The more physically attractive woman - with no nervousness or inferiority in her inner emotions such is his comparative lesser looks – lapping up the attention and questions, and happy to talk about herself for over five minutes.
· The more physically attractive woman showing, on the face of it, next to no sexual attraction onto the man pursuing her.
At 5ft 5”, even a high percentage of women are taller than him. This redhead is about the same height as him (maybe half an inch shorter). As I’ve documented on this blog before, the vast majority of women, and even more so short women, do not tend to go for men of similar height. Most short women actually crave for, and seek out, considerably taller men than themselves.
With that said, he carried on with his trailing of her for a few further weeks. I’m actually being kind on the word because it was nearer stalking in truth. I caught him on more than a couple of occasions looking around the corner of the gym, in planning when was a good time to pounce on her. On every occasion, it was rinse and repeat of the above chain events. Him being the chaser and expender, whilst she played the role of attention-recipient.
Nevertheless, of late it is fair to say that her body language interest, enthusiasm and engagement projected onto him has increased somewhat. Don’t get me wrong, it is still transparent that he isn’t nailing her or even close to doing so, but even another man mentioned that he caught her twirling her hair the other week whilst they were talking.
I’d hedge a good bet that she has caught him talking to another couple of decent women in there. One of them is the woman in this previous post. The first time I saw her talking to him was of more warmth than the smaller redhead in equivalent terms, and as he has talked to her increasingly over the recent weeks, I’m even starting to think that she is in it for more than just a bit of the usual female egotistical hunger.
I wouldn’t have put this woman, at about 5ft 8”, as someone who would have been interested, although nothing surprises me with women and their choices in men. Just simply on a height basis alone, I didn’t think she would be captivated at all by him other than the exhibition necessities as described.
With that said, when you put the two factors together, in addition to my minimal history with this woman and knowing a bit about her, once more putting two and two together gives a near four sum of outcome. This woman clearly is someone who gets off on a man being with another woman, and if she has seen him talking to little redhead and maybe another one or two decent women in there, this will ignite her attraction onto him. I'm guessing he has mentioned his kids and female partner by now. This kind of woman only feeds off these factors further, such is her competitive streak requirement against other women.
Placing all the ingredients in the pot, I serve you up this concluding platter:
· A man talking to other attractive women can make other attractive women interested in him, even if they don’t originally find him physically attractive at all.
· A man with only mediocre physical attractiveness (this man is only average, or slightly above, due to his shortness) will gain some attention from tattoos and steroid consumption, and it will act as a positive projection onto him.
· Average to above-average looking men hitting on better looking women will receive far greater receptiveness and social engagement from said woman, in comparison to a better-looking man of her relative physical allure or greater.
· Smaller women, all else equal, will be less open to taking things further with a man of similar (or smaller) height. Simply put, she wants a taller man.
· Ironically (and all else equal), a taller woman of 5ft 8” will often be more open to a man a few inches shorter than her than a woman of 5ft 5” would be. This is because a tall woman will have subconscious thoughts that conceiving with a man taller than her will produce tall children. This is fine if it’s a boy, but not so favourable if it is a girl. Most women strongly want a daughter over preference of having a son.
· Social class and intelligence play a strong part in women’s choices in men. For the purpose of this post, the small redhead appears like she is from a higher social class and educational background than the taller brunette. The man at the centre of this post isn’t the brightest bulb in the pack. This will go a fair way to explain the variables in immediate interaction between the two women. The redhead, in metaphorical terms, looks down on him in this respect, whilst the brunette seeks reassurance in someone not greatly more intelligent than her.
· Average to above average looking (or overall physical attractiveness) men reap more benefit in being seen talking to a lot of women. They also have a lot more leeway in pricking other women’s egos when seen alongside another woman. A man at the top end of male physical attractiveness neither reaps this same benefit (often it can be counter-productive and a negative consequence), nor does he receive the same leeway of putting women’s noses out of joint when often seen talking to their female peers.
· Even without the knowledge of what a man’s girlfriend, fiancé or wife looks like (but even more applicable if she is of the same physical looks level, or slightly higher or lower) in beauty terms, other women will be more attracted to a man when she knows he attains a female partner.
· A high percentage of women are more attracted to a man when they know he is a father to children.
It will be interesting how all this turns out, but he strikes me as someone who isn’t happy at home with what he has got. I'd say there is more than a fair chance, perhaps having birthed two children, that his better half is not close to being as sexually attractive as she once was. Why else would he risk hurting a female partner, a mother of his children and, most importantly, the kids themselves? I guess we live in a world where nobody gives a shit anymore about consequences and who they hurt, as long as they are happy themselves.
Preselection with other women is one of the strongest, if not the strongest, weapons for a man to gain elevated female attention and attraction onto him. Preselection is a by-product of social status, but not totally linked or aligned. Even extreme wealth cannot compete with preselection. This is why so many women will cheat on a wealthy male partner for a known preselected man. It hardly ever happens the other way round, and there is an apparent reason behind this.
A final thought
Women who go out of their way to seek married men, or women who hunt down men who have girlfriends and/or previous baggage like kids from exes, are symbolic of female immaturity. Female immaturity feeds on drama. Drama nourishes on finding complications in life – to ultimately fuel the required drama a woman craves for in order to feel her life is so important and fixated by others.
We almost live in a world where, whilst immaturity was once condemned, criticized and pitied, it now appears a case that women like to be known as immature. I can only put this down to women convincing themselves that if they are still immature, they are still young. Apart from losing their relative beauty, nothing negatively moves a woman in psychological respects than losing her youth and getting older. The two – losing beauty and getting older – go hand in hand in any case.
You have to accept that >90% of women you meet will possess some kind of drama queen nature in their character. You can only hope, or work out for yourself over time, that you end up with one who distinguishes between being entertained by the drama seen in other lives, but she doesn’t go looking for drama in her own life.
How are you? Hope you're fine.
I hope you remember me, I'm the autistic guy who write comments last year.
This year a woman 28 years old approached me. I'm 32 years old.
Well, we lasted 2 months, without sex. It's the first time a girl approaches me and have the courage to talk to me.
I must say she didn't know about my condition, which is a lack of intelligence in social situations. In other words I'm boring individual with no interested in make laugh a woman or entertain her with pubs, going out dancing, etc.
In fact, my own word is full of books, readings and music.
She quited me, she told me that I'm not make to being with a woman. And trust me, she's right.
Even the "intellectual" women will guys with a bit of social qualities.
I think I have lost the battle and the war. Is forget about women a realistic choice?
Hope you will bring me an accurate answer.
I hope you are well? Yes, I absolutely remember your comments. The good thing about this blog is it is not very exposed to the masses, therefore every comment I receive I can recall.
That disturbs me to hear your disillusion right now. Obviously it is difficult for me to know exactly how this woman would respond to you without me knowing anything about her, but I have a decent amount of knowledge on these topics so I'll give you my best assessment.
My best guess is she was a lower cute to average looking woman. An introvert like you, pretty shy and low in confidence, and perhaps with not belonging to big social circles. A good family girl. I'd say (correct me if I'm wrong of course) that all this considered is why you caught her attention in the first place. The fact you are four years older would be a big draw to her too.
Unfortunately, as much as her introversion was aligned with your autism characteristics at first, my hunch tells me that, whilst being an insecure, low-confident and timid female, and whilst she is looking for a man who isn't the bad boy of town etc (there are a minority of women out there who who genuinely desire to have a nice guy, and this increases as women get older), you were just that bit too below the traits in a man she was looking for. I guess she still wanted a small bit of confidence, leadership and social competence in a man.
It's just a bit of bad luck in this case. As for moving forwards, it's up to you in terms of whether the heartache and distress you are suffering outweighs your inner desire to meet a woman. If not, then there is no need to stop looking and trying. There will be women (albeit a small minority of women) out there for you, I can assure you of that.
Loads of women (especially post 25) have no inclinations to go out to pubs, clubs etc. As most women don't exactly have a great sense of humour anyway, I believe the whole "women love men who make them laugh" thing is totally overrated and a fallacy by and large. I doubt the hot attention whores who end up with dense male sports stars are with these men because these men make them laugh...
There are a few possibilities I see for you:Delete
1) As you are a bright and studious person, you should be able to spot the women who are very introverted and somewhat social inept/awkward. I know these women don't fall off trees, but they are out there. Have you thought about joining a library club or similar where these kinds of women are most prominent?
2) Enrol on a dating site for autistic people. At least then you have that common ground, you will not feel inferior (or even superior) to anyone, and they will know your situation and background from the start.
3) Whilst I'm not saying you should go for historic older sluts or anything like that of course, there could be some advantage in looking for older women. As you know, this isn't my prerogative or what I do in reality, but this is about you. Older women (older than you in particular) give a lot more leeway to men's deficiencies, because in simple terms they have far less options than their younger female counterparts.
An amalgamation between 1) and 3) could be worth thinking about. If you want someone younger than you, I still feel there are enough women out there who won't turn their backs on you just because of your autism and social restrictions.
Finally, I fully appreciate that a person's genetics are what they are and you are who you are, but sometimes a man has to look at himself and ask the question to whether there is anything he can do to make a scenario and life better for himself. In your case, is there any kind of compromise or force within that can bridge the gap between who you naturally are, versus where you want to get to?
At the risk of talking about myself to finish (but please see this as the example to what I mean above), I wasn't a naturally confident kid. My Dad was as introverted and socially low confident as they come, and my Mum wasn't naturally graced in this element too. Nevertheless, I realized this shortcoming and I did something about it to improve my life.
How did I do this? Three main ways:
1) I taught myself the body language, verbal execution skills etc to somewhat cloud the natural weaknesses.
2) I found great perspective from life experience and tragedies (mainly due to serious cancer illness).
3) Most importantly, I stopped worrying how people viewed me or what they thought of me. I comprehended that even if 90% of people don't like me, there is still that 10% who do and they are worth my time. It took a huge weight off my shoulders in forming this mentality. I started to enjoy life more.
Good luck mate. Keep the faith, and let me know how you get on.