"Dreaming is free, so keep on dreaming."
For those of you who are avid followers of football (soccer!), or have just kept in touch with the recent European Championships in France, you will probably be aware of the achievements of Wales in reaching the semi-finals. Considering England’s embarrassing and pitiful efforts, Spain’s predictable and now unsuccessful way of playing, and under-achievements of Germany, Belgium, Poland and Croatia, the boys from the valleys have been the revelation of the tournament. That is along with Iceland. Congratulations to the Portuguese, and commiserations to the French. A great spectacle and atmosphere it was, albeit with uninspiring matches by and large.
If you follow me so far, you will probably know of the Wales team coach, Chris Coleman. After their exit, but prior to the home welcoming, I saw Coleman walking alongside a pretty cute woman who, from first glance, looked a reasonable number of years younger than him. Maybe I’ve been living under a cave for the last few years, but unbeknown to me the woman is (previously) Charlotte Walker – a British presenter on Sky Sports News. They are now married with two children.
Coleman, at the age of 45, is a good looking and youthful looking man. He certainly has physically aged well, and he could get away with someone thinking he is almost a decade younger than what shows on his birth certificate. Walker (or Mrs Coleman) is 37, and she is also looking pretty good if compared to your random woman off the street of same age. Nevertheless, in my after first sight opinion, there doesn’t look a great deal in age difference between the two of them. Furthermore, in gender relative terms I’d say there is very little to choose between them in physical attractiveness, to the point where I’d actually go one step further and say he is marginally the more eye-catching.
‘In my career I was always known as a player who punched above his weight and I think I’ve done that with Charlotte. I’m absolutely delighted.’
Really? Relying on my two weary eyes, I certainly don’t see how he is punching above his weight in any such metric. It’s not like he’s pulled a worldie glamour or underwear model. His status and profile is at least a couple of levels above her equivalence. I would expect, without proof, his wealth and assets to be significantly above what she earns and owns.
Now of course the argument you anticipate from women, in particular women around the same age as Charlotte, would be that the sheer fact a woman is prepared to be with a man 8 years her senior is the main reason he should be so grateful to be with her. Wrong. Based on her physical looks alone, a loser or mediocre man scoring a woman identical looking to her could be seen as shooting above his weight, not that he should produce a mindset that is basked with gratitude in gracing her almighty existence. However, a man with options and quality, even in the non-famous world, can easily attract and secure a woman 10 years or more his junior. Even an average appealing man can score a cute woman who is a good few years younger than him, such is the abundance of cute women in relation to the tiny numbers of top quality men they want to be with. Many of these cute women have to settle for much less. If you don’t believe this is the case, spend a day or two looking at couples who back up this dynamic.
Coleman has four children (ranging from their teens to early 20’s) from his previous marriage. This could also offer an argument to wishful-thinking women that the appreciation levels should be weighted on his side of the scales. Once more, look at reality. First, in the world of high status people, Coleman could have eight children and I very much doubt it would have detracted Walker one bit. Second, there are so many women in the “real world”, with men who are fathers to kids from previous sexual experiences, to prove that women are even arguably more attracted to parent men than non-parent men – all else being equal.
This is why a comment in the form of “I’m punching above my weight” is arguably a phrase that rules above all in terms of my nausea feeling and wrongful advised moves that men can make. “I’m so lucky to have her” or “she is my princess I can never do enough for” are up there too in puke up thoughts. Why men would ever say such things, let alone think them, can only leave me in thinking, and knowing, that the average man off the street, and in clear majority, is totally clueless in understanding how women tick.
Women’s hearts tick by being challenged, having to work for a man’s love, and never quite knowing if she is good enough for him. These are the women who are most in love and, in life’s irony, the happiest women. Women who are with men acting the opposite – having him in the palm of her hand, never working hard to please him because he has convinced her he can do no better, and thinking she can do better - are women at their least happiest. Even your own relationship history should be enough to paint the picture to both sides of the fence.
It is an easy an idle assumption to think that high status/famous men are all alpha males, and they consequently have a natural ease in how to handle women and say or do the right things. This is by far the case. Fame and high profile do offer an immediate path to an element of alpha male status, and it is most definitely the strongest attribute in attracting female interest, but this doesn’t mean men in this bracket are all great in knowing how women tick. Many famous men are as beta as the average man, but they get away with it far more due to the instant challenge that male fame and power projects onto the female mind and heart. In a relationship, these high profile men also have more leeway in acting beta, because although the famous man’s unchallenging ways will irritate his woman, she is more reluctant to leave or cheat, such is what she has to lose.
Whilst I don’t think this is the case, you cannot rule out the remote possibility that Chris Coleman is actually a psychological genius in the chosen subject of female emotions and mentality. There are times, as isolated as they are in the whole scheme of things and percentage terms, that a woman under the age of 40 is with a man who is clearly and objectively above her in mate value and overall attractiveness. Although I would never ever abide by the “I’m punching above my weight with her” phrase, in these rare situations there are times that a woman needs reassurance of her man’s interest, attraction, commitment and love.
At the risk of bragging, I have more often than not been in these scenarios myself – knowing I have a higher mate value than the women I have been involved with - but even today I wouldn’t go on record as saying I have mastered the actions to take. Nobody can ever truly say they have totally worked out how a woman will connect on the side of challenge or reassurance, and this is all the more applicable in the early stages when you get to know her. You simply put more pieces of the jigsaw together as time goes on within the relationship timeframe. With this in mind, a balance in never allowing her to think you are lucky to have her, aligned with glimpses that you won’t run off at the drop of a hat, is the safest and best law of average path to take.
The “challenge to reassurance” scale is female age dependent, irrespective of the male age and mate value. The same man would need to lean over to reassurance with a woman in her late 20’s, in relation to having to sway towards the challenge side with that same woman in her early 20’s. This applies even if she has physically aged well. You won’t get tell-tale signs from the older woman that she needs this reassurance, as female immaturity, self-ego escalation, and expectation levels give off an external front to convince others she is still as admirable as ever. It’s her internal self-doubting niggles, manifested from the everyday mirror reflections and viewing of younger female competition, that needs this little bit of reassuring.
This is why a man in his late 20’s to early/mid 30’s, often at his peak appeal stage in the course of a lifetime, will still often find it a touch difficult in closing the deals with a lot of cute girls in their early 20’s. Although she may intrinsically be aware he is above her worth, even sometimes in the physical looks stakes too, the sheer fact that she is being surrounded by supplicating, over-complimenting and desperate guys her own age means she believes her overall value is a grade or two above what the objectivity clearly shows.
Acknowledgements and further reading