"Dreaming is
free, so keep on dreaming."
(Cristiano Ronaldo)
For
those of you who are avid followers of football (soccer!), or have just kept in
touch with the recent European Championships in France, you will probably be
aware of the achievements of Wales in reaching the semi-finals. Considering England’s embarrassing and
pitiful efforts, Spain’s predictable and now unsuccessful way of playing, and
under-achievements of Germany, Belgium, Poland and Croatia, the boys from the
valleys have been the revelation of the tournament. That is along with Iceland. Congratulations to the Portuguese, and
commiserations to the French. A great
spectacle and atmosphere it was, albeit with uninspiring matches by and large.
If
you follow me so far, you will probably know of the Wales team coach, Chris
Coleman. After their exit, but prior to
the home welcoming, I saw Coleman walking alongside a pretty cute woman who,
from first glance, looked a reasonable number of years younger than him. Maybe I’ve been living under a cave for the
last few years, but unbeknown to me the woman is (previously) Charlotte Walker
– a British presenter on Sky Sports News.
They are now married with two children.
Coleman,
at the age of 45, is a good looking and youthful looking man. He certainly has physically aged well, and he
could get away with someone thinking he is almost a decade younger than what
shows on his birth certificate. Walker (or
Mrs Coleman) is 37, and she is also looking pretty good if compared to your
random woman off the street of same age.
Nevertheless, in my after first sight opinion, there doesn’t look a
great deal in age difference between the two of them. Furthermore, in gender relative terms I’d say
there is very little to choose between them in physical attractiveness, to the
point where I’d actually go one step further and say he is marginally the more
eye-catching.
‘In my career I
was always known as a player who punched above his weight and I think I’ve done
that with Charlotte. I’m absolutely delighted.’
Really? Relying on my two weary eyes, I certainly
don’t see how he is punching above his weight in any such metric. It’s not like he’s pulled a worldie glamour or
underwear model. His status and profile
is at least a couple of levels above her equivalence. I would expect, without proof, his wealth and
assets to be significantly above what she earns and owns.
Now
of course the argument you anticipate from women, in particular women around
the same age as Charlotte, would be that the sheer fact a woman is prepared to
be with a man 8 years her senior is the main reason he should be so grateful to
be with her. Wrong. Based on her physical looks alone, a loser or
mediocre man scoring a woman identical looking to her could be seen as shooting
above his weight, not that he should produce a mindset that is basked with
gratitude in gracing her almighty existence.
However, a man with options and quality, even in the non-famous world,
can easily attract and secure a woman 10 years or more his junior. Even an average appealing man can score a
cute woman who is a good few years younger than him, such is the abundance of
cute women in relation to the tiny numbers of top quality men they want to be
with. Many of these cute women have to
settle for much less. If you don’t believe
this is the case, spend a day or two looking at couples who back up this
dynamic.
Side
note:
Coleman
has four children (ranging from their teens to early 20’s) from his previous
marriage. This could also offer an
argument to wishful-thinking women that the appreciation levels should be
weighted on his side of the scales. Once
more, look at reality. First, in the
world of high status people, Coleman could have eight children and I very much
doubt it would have detracted Walker one bit.
Second, there are so many women in the “real world”, with men who are
fathers to kids from previous sexual experiences, to prove that women are even
arguably more attracted to parent men than non-parent men – all else being
equal.
This
is why a comment in the form of “I’m punching above my weight” is arguably a
phrase that rules above all in terms of my nausea feeling and wrongful advised
moves that men can make. “I’m so lucky
to have her” or “she is my princess I can never do enough for” are up there too
in puke up thoughts. Why men would ever
say such things, let alone think them, can only leave me in thinking, and
knowing, that the average man off the street, and in clear majority, is totally
clueless in understanding how women tick.
Women’s
hearts tick by being challenged, having to work for a man’s love, and never
quite knowing if she is good enough for him.
These are the women who are most in love and, in life’s irony, the
happiest women. Women who are with men
acting the opposite – having him in the palm of her hand, never working hard to
please him because he has convinced her he can do no better, and thinking she
can do better - are women at their least happiest. Even your own relationship history should be
enough to paint the picture to both sides of the fence.
Q-tip 1:
It is an easy an idle
assumption to think that high status/famous men are all alpha males, and they
consequently have a natural ease in how to handle women and say or do the right
things. This is by far the case. Fame and high profile do offer an immediate
path to an element of alpha male status, and it is most definitely the strongest
attribute in attracting female interest, but this doesn’t mean men in this
bracket are all great in knowing how women tick. Many famous men are as beta as the average
man, but they get away with it far more due to the instant challenge that male
fame and power projects onto the female mind and heart. In a relationship, these high profile men
also have more leeway in acting beta, because although the famous man’s unchallenging
ways will irritate his woman, she is more reluctant to leave or cheat, such is
what she has to lose.
Specific
caveats?
Whilst
I don’t think this is the case, you cannot rule out the remote possibility that
Chris Coleman is actually a psychological genius in the chosen subject of
female emotions and mentality. There are
times, as isolated as they are in the whole scheme of things and percentage
terms, that a woman under the age of 40 is with a man who is clearly and
objectively above her in mate value and overall attractiveness. Although I would never ever abide by the “I’m
punching above my weight with her” phrase, in these rare situations there are
times that a woman needs reassurance of her man’s interest, attraction,
commitment and love.
At
the risk of bragging, I have more often than not been in these scenarios myself
– knowing I have a higher mate value than the women I have been involved with -
but even today I wouldn’t go on record as saying I have mastered the actions to
take. Nobody can ever truly say they
have totally worked out how a woman will connect on the side of challenge or
reassurance, and this is all the more applicable in the early stages when you
get to know her. You simply put more
pieces of the jigsaw together as time goes on within the relationship
timeframe. With this in mind, a balance
in never allowing her to think you are lucky to have her, aligned with glimpses
that you won’t run off at the drop of a hat, is the safest and best law of
average path to take.
Q-tip 2:
The “challenge to
reassurance” scale is female age dependent, irrespective of the male age and
mate value. The same man would need to
lean over to reassurance with a woman in her late 20’s, in relation to having
to sway towards the challenge side with that same woman in her early 20’s. This applies even if she has physically aged well. You won’t get tell-tale signs from the older
woman that she needs this reassurance, as female immaturity, self-ego
escalation, and expectation levels give off an external front to convince
others she is still as admirable as ever.
It’s her internal self-doubting niggles, manifested from the everyday
mirror reflections and viewing of younger female competition, that needs this
little bit of reassuring.
This
is why a man in his late 20’s to early/mid 30’s, often at his peak appeal stage
in the course of a lifetime, will still often find it a touch difficult in
closing the deals with a lot of cute girls in their early 20’s. Although she may intrinsically be aware he is
above her worth, even sometimes in the physical looks stakes too, the sheer fact
that she is being surrounded by supplicating, over-complimenting and desperate
guys her own age means she believes her overall value is a grade or two above
what the objectivity clearly shows.
Acknowledgements
and further reading
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