“You will find that most cynics were former purists and idealists.”
A reader asks a valid question based on this previous WCMD post:
I'm either guy 1 or
guy 5. (Probably in between.) I've been called handsome many times and I know
I'm facially more attractive than most guys, not sure I'd put myself in the top
2% though. I'm naturally athletic and slender, and now that I've been working
out for a while my body is close to, if not ideal. For either guy 1 or guy 5
though what effect does being over 5'10 have, can it have the same intimidating
effect being too facially attractive can have? Effectively working against you,
or does it carry benefit? (Or a mix of both?) I'm 6'2/6'3.
I found this to be a very interesting read and I'm just wondering where I fit in. Something else to mention is that I have a very introverted, reserved personalty that could easily be mistaken for unfriendliness and I was wondering how you think the combination of the negatives of being physically attractive with a personality like mine would play out.
I found this to be a very interesting read and I'm just wondering where I fit in. Something else to mention is that I have a very introverted, reserved personalty that could easily be mistaken for unfriendliness and I was wondering how you think the combination of the negatives of being physically attractive with a personality like mine would play out.
This particular post has clearly resulted in an amount of
inquisitive feedback and questions. I’m
glad it has, because although the general manosphere has done, and will
continue to do, a great job in offering men valid and truthful advice in how to
deal with the modern day woman and to consequently understand her emotional
mind, I do feel that it neglects how the mechanics should be viewed and
conducted when considering the male and female relative physical attractiveness
levels.
I can understand why this may have been somewhat neglected,
as at the end of the day a blogger can’t sub-divide physical look scales for
every single post. With this is mind,
you go by the averages – and most men are average looking at the end of the
day. Also, it is my humble opinion that
some people don’t like to accept that women’s decision making in male mate
selection is heavily weighted towards a man who is less physically blessed than
her, and instead they prefer to advocate it is mainly down to male status, wealth, game, personality,
commitment, etc… All the aforementioned do
play a big part, but I stand by it being a smaller part than female egoism
factors. If I’m guilty of overstating
this, then I would argue that this is a better option than taking an agenda driven
oversight. I digress….
My response to the reader:
For guy 1, being over 5ft 10", and in particular being
6ft 2" to 6ft 3" in your case, will result in pre-conceived
rejections from near on 90% of women.
Tough to swallow I know, especially when you will see so many female
sexual glances making their way to your eyes, but unfortunately that's
life. Simply put, women will feel
intimidated and inferior due to your god given physical blessings.
The benefit for guy 1 is the numbers game as explained. Eventually, when you are attracting so many
women something is going to bite that is suitable to your predilections. Like sending your CV off hour after hour to
various companies, and gradually attending more interviews as the weeks pass,
in a buoyant job market something will give.
If you are guy 5, and I tend to think from your comment that
you are (simply because you would subconsciously know if you're in the top 2
out of 100 in a random group of men), then this should eliminate some of the
problems as illustrated above. However,
it does still arrive with other issues.
The plus side in being guy 5 is that your average (and you
are clearly at least above average from what you say) facial features result in
far less automated rejection mechanisms than the top end facially gifted man of
body and height equivalence will incur.
Your overall 7.75/10 physical attractiveness rating allows you to score
the low to medium end hot women due to their knowledge that the face takes the
greatest weight of importance. Their
"better" face eases the insecurities sustained with the guy 1's of
the world.
Top end cute women (7.75/10) may be reserved in giving you a
chance due to being on their par, but a percentage (I'd estimate 15% to 20%)
will still receive your advances kindly.
Again, a very cute woman done up to look her best will stand out more
than an above average facially looking man - even if he has a great body and
good height.
The "negative", and I use this word loosely, comes
in the form of you having almost ideal height and an outstanding body
profile. A woman below 7.75/10 will
assess you as out her league. And women
below 7.75/10, in view of a female age range between 18 to 40, easily represent
more than 9 out of 10 women. At least in
countries like the UK and USA, in any case.
So in summary to your height issue, it will usually be far
more beneficial than detrimental, irrespective to whether the man is average,
above average or good looking. This is
because average and above average height women naturally prefer taller men, and
even many short women will prefer a man of your height than someone of only 5ft
8". This is why I have documented
in the past that, in my opinion, the ideal male height to be is 6ft 1
1/2".
As for your mention of introversion and reserved
personality, no I don't think this will be mistaken for unfriendliness in the
vast majority of female interpretations.
The less savvy girls out there will construe it as arrogance and an
"up his own arse" attitude - something that is still better than
being too friendly and unchallenging I may add.
The smarter and classier broads will view it as a lack of
confidence. Either way, this introverted
demeanour will rarely be advantageous to you.
A man with good looks (or even top end above average looks),
impressive body and height to envy needs to portray an amalgamated delivery of
confidence, positive body language, approachable character (not to be mistaken
with over friendliness or smiley), care-free attitude, solid eye contact and a
mild smirk. Don't get me wrong, even
this will deter a good number of women, because in a country like the UK where
the female mean confidence level is so low, they will think a man with a positive
and confident approach to life is unattainable.
But for the top quality women, and ultimately these are the women worth
having, this will be gold dust to most of them.
I emphasize "most" of them, because there is still the
occasional higher end hot woman who will still play it safe. Usually this comes in the form of picking out
a lesser looking man, but appropriately one with confidence, status and wealth - which makes
him high quality, in spite of his mediocre looks. But sometimes this same hot woman will just
select a man on safety and good feeling ego terms, such is the undeniable fact
she just doesn't believe in herself.
Wow, thanks man. As the guy who asked the questions this is a lot more than I was expecting. So much of what you say resonates with my experience and rudimentary knowledge of evolutionary psychology. I can see how many men would find this difficult to accept, but I'm a realist and rationality is a significant element of my identity. I find knowing the truth, no matter how shocking, more comfortable than living in illusions. So again, thanks for laying it down for me.
ReplyDeleteWhile I am introverted, my confidence has been rising steadily over the past few years. I'm still young, 19. I have no trouble projecting my voice and asserting myself when necessary. I just prefer to stick to myself and my small circles socially. Working out has improved my posture to near perfection as well. Just to be clear I'm not the kind of introvert that's hunched with his head down too afraid to speak up, I just have a natural inclination to avoid initiating social interactions. But I get what you're saying, you've got some pretty good tips and I'll try to focus improvement in this area.
Something I'm very curious to get your feedback on is a girl I'm interested in. To me, she's a solid 10 physically. Petite, slim, long blonde hair, facially stunning. Probably the most attractive girl I've ever seen. She is extremely shy though, and constantly portrays signs of nervousness like playing with her lips. She has small boobs, which is something I prefer, but I know a lot of girls are insecure about. So with the knowledge you've shared with me, the thought of a girl, even of her level of attractiveness being highly insecure crossed my mind. Something I never would have thought of myself. So I guess what I'm asking is could a girl like her have a self-perception clouded in enough insecurity to lower her rating below mine? Potentially ruling me out. And if so, what ways are best to ease these insecurities to increase my chances?
Sorry if I'm overloading you with questions, you don't have to answer. Already helped me a ton.
In view of this extremely hot girl you reference, you have to bear in mind that, just like any other hot woman, how you see her is as good as she gets. In other words, unless she just so happens to be totally naturally beautiful and has no need to enhance her look in the form of cosmetics, etc - something that hardly any woman in the world can boast - she isn't going to look any where near as impressive once the alarm clock sounds. From my experience, the hotter the woman looks in public, the bigger the drop to her "none done up" look.
DeleteThis is an important consideration on a couple of fronts:
First, her vision of herself is going to be a mixture of extreme hotness when she is out, ranging to the wake up in the morning look. Straight away, this puts doubts on her self-assessment, and although she will know she is a 9+ once out in public, her mind will also be aware of her not so impressive look. So you have to think that her confidence levels will not reflect the visual beauty as you see it. If she was a late developer - hence not the prettiest early teenager but who blossomed as the years passed - then this explanation is all the more applicable.
Second, and it kind of relates to the first point, is that when women match themselves up physically to a potential boyfriend (or casual sex too for that matter), they aren't only doing it from a best look perspective. So for example, if it is an 8.75/10 looks rated woman contemplating an 8/10 looks rated man, she will, at the back of her mind, be wondering what he is thinking if the two of them wake up together. Women are incredibly insecure, even (or especially) the hottest ones, and when their best and most important asset of beauty is nullified, they lose a sense of power and purpose. Surpassed only be female egoism, I think this factor goes the longest way to explain why women take safer male bets in mate choice.
But as for your situation, and if she is this solid 10 you describe, there should be enough of a gap between the two of you for her self-perception to be eradicated. It's not like she is looking at Enrique Iglesias looks level comparison, therefore your good body and height, accompanied by above average facial looks, should give you the best chance with women of her nature. Get in there quick, because if she is that hot, once her confidence grows she may realize the highest status men are within her grasp...
Finally, to increase your chances you have to find that fine balance of directness and attainability. So essentially, let her know what you want, but then quickly throw in something that shows you have experienced your fair share of tribulations in life. Don't over-cook this though. Show interest in her, but not question after question (go by the 3 to 1 rule - no more than 3 questions before she asks you one back). You will need to lead her, even if this means going out your comfort zone a little. Compliment her character and not her physical beauty. Emphasize the common ground the two of you share. But most of all, you need to maintain the mentality that she is replaceable. Despite her lack of inner belief and confidence, she will still know she is very hot. If she gets a sniff that you are more interested in her than the inverse, it will be game over before you even pressed start.
Apologies for the late reply. Again, you make perfect sense. I think I've already made the mistake you mentioned at the end but I'm not fussed. I was a oneitis sufferer, but I get why that mindset is silly now. Thanks again mate!
DeleteMan 5 here in that category? Where are u on the intro extro scale? Im an introvert myself. Not a big talker. Do u think one can convert oneself to extrovert and if u can give some how to? Altho i have improved a lot since finding game.
ReplyDeleteI'll publish this as a dedicated post, as I'd expect many guys could benefit for the question/answer.
DeleteHey man. Thnx for ur replies. I like ur blog caz its more relationship oriented which preaches balanced traits unlike pua blogs who are all about being alpha.
DeleteIntroversion helps in some cases as its easy to project that strong silent unreactive persona as u just advised to ignore and flip her tests in ur flip the probation post but u have to take the initiative in some cases and be a little talkative and have some interesting conversational topics and tell them in an interesting way which is a skill all in itself.
Keep up the good work
This might help u with ur post
Deletehttp://www.koanicsoul.com/blog/2012/06/14/psychopathy-female-fidelity-and-the-introvert/
And might i add i was saying to be talkative at the beginning of courtship when u have to carry most of the burden of conversation and come off as an interesting guy.
Agreed, most men do need to be the instigator of conversation in the beginning of a cold approach. But I can guarantee that if you were to observe this kind of interaction between men and women, the women who are most attracted to the notable men will be the women who are trying to squeeze drips of information out of him, yet his begrudging and brief answers (which is what she ultimately wants) enforces her to talk about herself without him actually asking much about her. In this dynamic, she holds strong urges to keep the conversation and interaction going.
DeleteNow flip to what you possibly allude to. A man who is asking too many questions about her, in conjunction with him talking too much about himself, comes across as a man trying too hard. This is why short, ambiguous answers that discretely promote himself are what the objective should be.
Don't be afraid for the conversation to end. In addition, keep a mental note of the 3 to 1 question rule (see my comment above to Anonymous)...something that should be reduced to 2:1 sooner rather than later. If she isn't showing an interest in you at all, is she really worth the effort in a pool of many other female options?