“Confidence
is a trait so hard to define. So few of
us have as much as we would like, and those who we think have an abundance
seldom have the perceived amount.
Forever we are aspiring to gain compliments and attention, but our short
term memory forces us to continuously search for this validation of our worth
to the world. Confidence takes years to
build up, but in one drastic moment we can fall off the ladder and lose it
all.”
When women are asked what their most
desirable trait in a man must be, the vast majority of them will say it is
confidence. I have known very confident
men, along with extremely unconfident men.
I’ve seen some of my closest friends go from zero to absolute over the
years in their confidence levels, alongside those who have gone through the
polar inverse of this cycle.
Confidence isn’t just one trait that is
brought to a man’s life. For example, a
high level of charisma heightens his confidence. Personality, or knowledge that he has it,
brings about confidence. A man’s good
looks, when he sees a wide portfolio of women looking at him with differing
emotions, can be the highest compliment to his confidence. And money, although only a material object at
the end of the day, will also aid a man’s confidence - albeit to paper over the
cracks of his more organic deficiencies.
Confidence is usually associated with high value men, but not
always. Bad boys have the trump card
when it comes to confidence, as naïve, and some intelligent, women sniff it
like a scent of fine cologne. Some nice
guys have confidence, but not many have it to a greater extreme. If they possessed more of it, they wouldn’t
need to act with women in the way they do.
So how does confidence come about, and how
can it be lost? What factors contribute
to a man portraying the most important commodity he needs to attract and
acquire women of all kinds? Can it be
faked, learnt or built on, or is it simply something to be born with?
Like most elements in sexual attraction, men
usually have a small idea as to what attracts a woman, and what turns them
away. But it usually ends there. They don’t take the time to actually study or
understand what women first find attractive, and they rarely ask questions to
the opposite sex that would clearly assist their success rates. Although many women say one thing and act
another way within their own emotional life, they are strangely very honest and
objective in informing a guy to the areas that attract them. At least this appears the case when it
doesn’t implicate on them directly. I’ve
asked many women this question, and the overwhelming majority response comes in
the form of confidence. A man can never
have enough confidence when utilized in the corrective way. The danger is always when he oversteps the
mark and it turns to a level of arrogance.
When this optimum threshold is passed, the confidence he has built up
becomes counter-productive.
The first time I truly understood it was
confidence that turned women on more than anything else was when I started to
go out with a few mates from the gym.
Two of them were typical beta males - short in confidence, stature or
presence. However, one of them was the
typical alpha male. He was decent
looking, but by his own admission he wasn’t as visually appealing as me - both
in facial features and bodily profile.
He just didn’t give a care about what women thought of him, and just as
importantly, how they would react when he approached them. Rejection wasn’t even a concern to him, and
his carefree attitude was there for all to see.
I admired his lack of consideration to the outcome dependence of his
interactions with the opposite sex. I
recall one night when we met one particular woman who attended the same
gym. She actually was more attracted to
me (at least that’s the way it seemed), as whilst she acknowledged my friend,
she knew about his previous history with other women. That said, I always sensed her attraction
towards him too, but it was like she was forcing herself not to like him. Looking back, part of her attraction towards
me was probably down to my lack of interest in her. The push-pull scenario, in
terms of how women push towards a man when he is apathetic, comes to mind here.
A couple of weeks later I became quite good
friends with this woman. She had a
fiancé, so I kind of hid behind the fact I wasn’t someone who desired to get in
between the two of them. Looking back, I
should have been as honest as I would be today, but these are the weakly spoken
words to a women you don’t find attractive.
Anyway, we talked for hours about Leon, me, her impending wedding and
women in general. The one good thing
that stood out in what she said more than anything was - “I think women find
you well gorgeous, but maybe you need to show more confidence like him.”
That comment stood out like a sore thumb to
me. I’d always known that physical
attractiveness, money and personality were the fundamental desires that women
find attractive in men, but this now took it to a new thought process. Sure, confidence is an overlap of
personality, but it is more a value component of charisma. For example, the majority of beta males have
a good standard of personality - easy to talk to, good listeners, intellectual,
intelligent and knowledgeable - but very few of them possess a high degree of
confidence. They simply do not
illustrate it to the outside world in a convincing manner. Confidence is more to do with body language,
and it comes across as a non-verbal component that shines like a light. And remember, the majority of female visceral
assessment of men is in non-verbal capacities.
In addition to all this, my confident friend
was involved with a long terms girlfriend as he concurrently slept with other
women who attended the gym. One of them
was the receptionist – tall, blonde, reasonably pretty and with an excellent
body. She wasn’t the sharpest in
intelligence or personality terms, but she would have been a grade above him in
physical attractiveness rating. I
witnessed in person the texts she would send him in the early hours of the
morning begging to meet up. He had a
collage of nude photographs she sent of herself on his phone. After a while, she started seeing another guy
from the gym who was at least as facially impressive as my friend, and his
bodily profile was more eye catching.
The receptionist could still not refrain from sending my friend messages
concurrent to the time she was in a relationship with her new boyfriend. I didn’t truly grasp the concept of her
compulsions to Leon when she had and objectively better looking male mate, but
in retrospect it is ever the obvious. In
a nutshell, she was drawn to his bad boy reputation, and the confidence that is
naturally reflected off this type of character.
So what kind of man has confidence, how does
he acquire it, and what restricts him from ever becoming more confident than he
already is?
Bad boys
Bad boys are the picture of confidence. They walk around like they don’t care about
what the world thinks of them, let alone women they may feel sexually attracted
to. A huge proportion of confidence
derives from control. If a man feels in
control of a situation, his confidence rubs off on this. Nothing epitomizes control more than when a
man is with a woman. If he feels in
control, and he isn’t afraid of what she says, how she feels, or losing her due
is his knowledge that another woman is
around the corner, he is ultimately confident when I her presence. He senses it is actually her who feels
vulnerable to lose him. A bad boy’s
internal confidence isn’t measured in how he knows he looks, as not all of them
are in the upper range of male physical attractiveness. His confidence is all about his comfort in
the situation, his knowledge that many women desire him, and his vision of
always having options.
What restricts him from taking his confidence
to the next level? Well, very little in
his prime bad boy days. Such is his
popularity and awareness women crave for men like him, the demand of hunters
(women) supersedes the supply of men of his nature. Of course, even these men are susceptible to
a woman who matches his mentality. If he
met a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman, and someone who is different
to all his former cute but naïve girls, this kind of woman can knock him down a
peg or two and he can start to act more in a beta manner. This is where he has to go back to his
original way, and recall why she found him attractive in the first place. It wasn’t money, personality or looks that
struck her attention over the other men.
It was his confidence, aura, and the fact he wasn’t the usual wealthier
but boring kind of beta male she had met a dozen times in the same day.
Nice guys
If bad boys are the placard of confidence, then nice guys
are the representation of trying to show confidence rather than it flowing
through their natural veins. But let’s
start with the positive - he does have some confidence.
When a nice guy is dating a woman on his
similar physical attractiveness level, his confidence and control is fairly
high. He knows she isn’t the kind of
woman who has hoards of men chasing her therefore he can act relatively calm. The problems start when he meets a more
physically attractive woman – a dynamic common due to the higher number of
physically attractive women below the age of thirty, in comparison to men. What many average looking beta males don’t
comprehend is they actually have more leeway with beautiful women than a good
looking guy. Women do not have their
guard up anywhere near as much with a man less physically attractive, and it is
an open book for him when he approaches her.
If he could show confidence, she wouldn’t be looking at the better
looking man standing yards away. She
would be transfixed in his charisma and be attached to the recognition of her
high comfort and value level (high, because she is more physically attractive
than him). This is where he needs to
treat her in the same way as his previous average looking girlfriends.
However, he over compliments her (which she
likes, but not in a visceral receptive way), he shows her too much value, and
he wears a t-shirt that may as well metaphorically spell his out his
supplication. She grasps in seconds that
she is the most attractive woman he has spoken to in the last year, and whilst
there is a short term appreciation of this, deep down she is asking questions
to whether any other women would even give him second look. His beta ways also have jealousy painted
across his face, and once she starts talking to another guy, does he give her
space and show a level of apathy? No, he
clings on like a bad smell. He’ll get
rejected in a matter of minutes, and nice guys do not take rejection well at
all. His confidence is shattered.
High
value men
On the face of it, a high value man should
be the most confident of all criteria of men out there. He is the best looking, he has the most
balanced personality, he holds the highest charisma, he is in control of his life
(such is his steady wealth and career), and he has a life he is happy
with.
When things are going well in his life
this kind of man hits the confidence high - above the bad boys, and streets
ahead of the nice guys. When he is
attracting women, he knows he’s a great catch, and women are attracted to him
in a magnetized fashion. Women in the
world are pretty much his pick, providing he maintains a level that doesn’t
border on arrogance. Confidence is
attained from just being the high value guy he is. He doesn’t have to force it, as it is an
amalgamation of innate blessings and developed work on his part.
Is confidence always in a high value man’s
blood at all times? Again, in the good
times this is absolutely the case.
However, because of his projection of his own market value, he usually
has high standards in the woman he looks for in physical and personable
terms. Immediately, if this is the case
he is looking at the minority of women out there. Now consider the women from this exclusive
segment who will reject him for reasons such as insecurity, egoism, or trust
issues, and there doesn’t appear like there are many women out there for
him. He isn’t afraid of rejection, as he
holds onto his knowledge to the reasons it happens to him, and he can take it
as a back-handed compliment. However,
even the highest calibre of value men can never honestly say they enjoy
rejection. Rejection brings thought:
thought brings adjustments of interaction strategies: adjustments can bring
about doubts. As soon as doubts creep
in, confidence can be dissipated.
Confidence is complex. The hardest part about confidence is thinking
you have more than you do, or not acknowledging that you are low in this
decisive commodity. I know guys who have
natural good looks and charisma, yet strangely they are lacking in
confidence. On the other scale, I know
friends who claim they ooze confidence when with women, but then they don’t
pragmatically show evidence of this during scenarios in the real world.
Confidence is no different to all the
emotions we go through in life. One day
we are up, the next day we are down.
Some guys can fake confidence, but in truth, most women will pick up on
this front. To add another spanner to
the works, a few women are even afraid of a man with a level of swagger, such
is the low degree of confidence they personally possess. However, even in this generation, with women
gaining more power through options in men, career progression and social
network sycophancy, the majority of them are still natural followers in
life. They are still reactors rather
than pro-actors. They are fearful of
rejection and in need of reassurance. All
this leads to a need to be with a man with confidence. So the next time a man looks himself in the
mirror, irrespective of what he sees, he should force himself to view the
reflection of a confident man. If a man
doesn’t have confidence he will always be limited to how far he can go in
life. Confidence isn’t a little thing.
It is almost everything.
Just look intelligent, That will do it.
ReplyDeletewas about not intelligence ...you moron!...was about confidence about ,,a pussy is just a pussy,,..and putting it on pedestal,like,,the one and only.. if you think is about intelligence ..then you missed the point BOUT THE ABOVE post..since he busted his ass to explain:)
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