“Life is a game. Love is the prize.”
If I wasn’t
an active investor in the U.S. Stock Market I would never have come across this
informative program that was aired the other evening on CNBC. It was a combination of amusement, eyes raised
or mild smirk moments, and an actual genuine interest to the insight it had to
offer. The channel’s showing of love @ first byte gave a good 45 minutes
on the subject of the current internet online dating phenomenon. As an honest guy, honest I will be, and as a
writer and observer of relationships, social psychology and most of all, real
life human interaction and decisions, I couldn’t help but be gripped to every
minute I’d invested in my time.
As expected, a program of this genre that would alert men and women with limited options in the dating market – otherwise you wouldn’t need to use online dating consistently in the first place - had factual information filtered in with bias, idealistic possibilities and convenient absence of true reasoning. Nevertheless, it was a whole lot better than hearing thousands of women give you bizarre justifications to why they cannot find a high quality man.
The statistics raised my eyebrows a little. In America alone, 30 million online users can be found. Of all unmarried American inhabitants, 1 in 5 people use online dating as a source in aspiring to meet that special person. When it is considered there are 100 million singles in the U.S (really?), this generates $2 billion per year from this one country alone. For those who like to play with numbers such as myself, straight away you would calculate there are 10 million Americans using online dating who are not registered as being single. Does this tell you anything about how happy they are in their current relationship? So the first thing to say is: people are looking for improvement on what they have.
My own
experience of online dating from over 6 years ago was short, limited and unmemorable. I’d just broken up with someone I held in
high esteem in comparison to the female benchmark, and I wanted to get back on
the saddle quickly. A guy at the gym who
I had never spoken to before started up a conversation about how much action he
was getting on the PlentyOfFish free website.
I thought there was nothing to lose, so I subscribed a couple days
later. Well, if I was to put some guide
to the quality, it wouldn’t take long. I
predict that 90% of women were above the age of 25 (most of these in excess of
30) and looking like something out of a horror show. 5% were average to lower cute (5/10 to
6.75/10) in physical attractiveness. 4%
would be a little above this grade but usually with a parentage label. No more than 1% were cute or bordering on
hot. In the case of these more eye
catching women (and it could take hundreds of scrolling to find one on some
nights), it appeared to me they were simply on for attention and ego
leverage. I’ll admit that some of my
messages may not have been with much thought behind the consequence, but I’m
pretty confident my profile picture alone would stay in the minds of nearly all
women, above and in comparison to the other 99% of men on the site. I barely received a message back from any of
them, and if so, it was with the obvious sound of desiring more to flood their
inbox. I’ll never forget one message I
sent a young and reasonably pretty woman, and I’m sure she got her Mum to
message me. Surely it couldn’t be that
the most physically attractive women are not comfortable with men as, or more,
eye catching than them, could it? It
must just be my imagination.
It then went
onto focus on EHarmony. This site takes
15% of the market, and is second only to Match.com in market share. In 2009, the online dating site states that
on average 542 people per day got married after meeting on EHarmony. That equates to nearly 100,000 couples per
year and 5% of all newlyweds in the U.S population. How do they do this? EHarmony’s niche in the market is their “Algorithm”
– a system that doesn’t allow people to just browse databases and instead
places emphasis to pick out only a few matches each day. It succeeds in this deliverable by requiring
users to complete a 100+ point questionnaire.
It’s clear that EHarmony are focused entirely towards long term
relationship seekers, and this software allows a separation between serious
people and those using the site for ulterior motives.
In both
cases – Match.com and EHarmony – psychologists, mathematicians and software
engineers collaborate to take online dating to the next level. I would comment that, whilst these educated
and intelligent heads from 3 different backgrounds is admirable and to be
applauded, all this statistical selection process is only as valuable as the
honesty of women’s, and men’s, answers.
The part of the
program I perhaps found the most humbling and fruitful was a piece with Dan
Ariely, a professor of Psychology and Behavioural Economics at Duke
University. Ariely had suffered serious
burning in his younger years, and he explained how he had to accept where his
place in the dating market would be post incident. In relation to his experiences and
profession, he took on a role as expert in human behaviour by studying
thousands of online interactions and numerous factors to what makes us
attractive online. From his findings, it
was transparent that height and salary is vital to men. He added, at 5 ft 9 inches tall, that in
order to be as attractive as a man standing 5ft 10 inches, he would need to
earn an extra $40k per year. He also
stated that educated men are more desirable, but education for women holds no
difference. Here we go again: height,
money and smartness for men are key in unlocking a woman’s door. But yet again, programs like this, or society
in general, seem petrified to even mention what men truthfully desire in women.
So to balance
out the promotion of online dating websites and their associated selling
points, it contested these methods against traditional matchmaking. Samantha Daniels, a former divorce lawyer
(that’s convenient and ironic), turned dating matchmaker, commented on how
online dating accessibility had improved her business due to the exposure it
presents and the frustration it can cause.
Daniels predicted that 40% to 50% of her clients were previous online
dating users, and some were coughing up to $25k of their hard earned cash for
her expertise. A representative from
OkCupid challenged this old fashioned route due to the vast numbers of bad
dates people go on when outside parties try and match someone up. From personal experience, I agree with him on
these 2 fundamental counts:
External parties will often match you up with someone they like, but not necessarily the type of person you want.
They match you up with someone who isn’t the best you could get. They tend to base it on your age, so if you happen to be a young looking older man, they strangely ignore this pronounced luxury.
External parties will often match you up with someone they like, but not necessarily the type of person you want.
They match you up with someone who isn’t the best you could get. They tend to base it on your age, so if you happen to be a young looking older man, they strangely ignore this pronounced luxury.
I speak from
first hand dealings. Women who have
tried to set me up (usually wives or girlfriends of my close male friends) are
aware of the types of women I go for – younger, hot women with good
personalities and values. The
“matchmakers” are happy with the personality side, but it’s no coincidence
these women who play the cupid role are many years older than the women I go
for. Ultimately, you can only conclude
that women, in general, do not take kindly to a man who has the necessary
armoury to attract and date women more than 5 years his junior. Men, whilst a little envious of your
uncommitted life opportunities with younger and hotter women, will rarely stand
in the way of an opening for you.
One anecdote
that stays with me is when I was accompanied by a young stunning blonde at my
mate’s wedding reception. He’d married a
woman a few years older than him, so you can imagine the look on her face in
addition to the snarling expressions coming from her peers of similar age. When we split up, his wife tried to set me up
on a date with a woman of similar age to me.
I’d seen a small picture of her, and although reasonable, not my
type. When his wife asked him whether
I’d consider it, he could only politely tell her that it was doubtful I’d be in
it for the long haul. For men who suffer
similar predicaments, that’s all a woman with inclinations to quickly settle
down needs to hear to disqualify a man.
However,
Daniels (the professional matchmaker) went onto make a good point about the
shortcomings of online dating. Because
female online users are inundated with followers, they are sometimes going out
on 6 to 10 dates a week. She said that
even if a man is 85% ideal, the woman with options is always thinking she could
do better. This should be a lesson for
all men, let alone online dating active men.
Supplication and constant compliments – that online dating by nature
leads a man to – only serves to inflate a woman’s ego beyond her objective
value. All this achieves is making the
whole process of male long term relationship chasers more difficult.
In chain event order, love @ first byte then highlighted back on the first date for Lisa and Joe who met on Match.com as explained above. Albeit that knowledge of the camera was on the two of them, her after date interview words of “he seemed like a genuinely nice guy” were words he wouldn’t want to hear. More to the point, he wouldn’t have wanted to see her face as she said it. The look sustained that irritable tug of war between forcing herself to like him but knowing something was missing. I’ve seen that picture all too often with women staring at men in vain hope of attraction when in bars, at work or any social venue. It’s the constant nodding of the head that gives it away by trying artificially to convince others, and her own mind, that she’s met a great guy. But no sparkle in the eye is close to being seen. She tried to look as keen as mustard whilst running the concurrent underwhelming portrait of a woman.
I predict
she had, and still has, those predilections for jerks of the world. In fact, I could have been right with this
assumption without even seeing her in the program. The simple reality that a 34 year old woman
put down a male age bracket of 32 to 35 age range would have told me everything
I needed to know. Although I’d knock a
couple of years off her birth date in respect to the visual, women of this age
who want younger men should be viewed upon with caution. Because no matter that women never truly lose
the sexual feelings they want through thoughts of bad boys, the needs of a typical
34 year old woman would almost always hold more leaning towards personality,
wealth, status, commitment and providing capabilities. Joe was clearly too nice a guy for her, even
at her age of today. So a lesson for men
who see someone representative of Lisa on a dating website: either know you are
a care-free bad boy, or be a man who knows interaction strategy, female
psychology and how to deal with women who like that less gentleman type of
guy. If you are an unapologetic and
self-confessed nice guy, and you still cannot resist the lure of a woman like
her, be warned of a broken heart at Christmas. This will be after she has opened
your overspent presents.
For older
readers of this blog, OurTime is an
online dating service for the 50+ category.
The company estimates 25% of the industry’s profits are from the
contribution of this demographic group.
People in this segment have far lower expectations and far fewer options
in the dating market. They know,
irrespective of other metrics outside of the looks department, that people
aren’t going to be lining up at their door.
Not being
the most technological hungry person, I was not aware until now about the
upsurge in mobile phone dating applications.
This source of the industry has taken off in cities like New York and
Los Angeles, and picking up steam across America in Miami, Phoenix and
Chicago. Revenue was up to $201 million in
2011, and it is expected to reach $455 million in 2016.
This is not to be sniffed at, and I think an equity or two in a company
of this field may be on my radar.
Basically, mobile dating applications are a simple device that only has
a photo, screen name and whereabouts information of the person involved. It is critical to the proximity of potential
gatherers. It offers an opportunity only
secondary to meeting someone in a bar, so in theory two people could arrange to
meet up within a 5 minute walk of each other if there is an attraction to the
picture.
From a
personal perspective, I like this method.
As I’m an advocator that at least 80% of women prefer to be with a man
who is less physically attractive than they are – on the basis men are of
similar relativity in other metrics – this application allows a chance to get
away from sending messages to women who are not comfortable with this
dilemma. You are probably more likely to
meet women who are less money and status orientated, as they are comfortable in
using the looks as the foundation of development. However, like meeting a woman in a bar, this
doesn’t refrain from her simple urge of attention and a free drink. As someone who doesn’t like to waste time on
lost causes, this is ideal for men with my way of thinking. However, I do accept that more introverted
and shy men need the whole 24 hour timeout to digest, psyche up and lose the
sickly feeling that can derive if still in female intimidation phase.
The woman
they focused on for mobile application success was a 25 year old New Yorker who
worked as a PR girl. She was a 6.5/10
looker at best. I’d put her in that
shaggable realm, but the type you’d be rushing out in the morning in hope you
never gave her your surname or address.
Whilst it could have been for the cameras, the technology facility made
it that two men turned up to meet her at the same time. Both men were better looking than her, but
yet again, here’s another way to crank up the female ego. This is all no good for men, or women, in the
sexual market.
Overall, I
thought love @ first byte was a
worthwhile 45 minutes of my valuable time.
Nobody could quite bring themselves to say the truth of the whole dating
market that is: women want an older and powerful man with money, and men want a
younger woman with beauty. Of course in
the women’s case, money, and power in relevance to the context, only act as a
short term fix. I wonder if one day a program
like this will mention the word game, and how women have caused men to go down
this route. I guess this would be pie in
the sky. In fairness, very few women on
online dating would need an element of game using on them, but it is contextual
to the man.
In summary,
hot women without baggage don’t need online dating. This is why you will hardly ever see a hot
woman on a dating site. They can secure
an equivalent man, albeit not always someone they would choose in a visceral
manner, without having to click on a mouse.
They only need to click their fingers once and a reasonable quality guy
or a well paid man will be at the ready.
Most top end cute women are in a similar position, but it just filters
down a level or two in male calibre.
Online dating is for the less visually blessed females or/and those with
kids. So the message is straight forward. Out of all the women they showed on the program,
not one was of high end beauty in physical terms. The only woman that got close to this
accolade was the presenter herself.
Maybe she was the editor too.
There was a glamorous blonde shown on her wedding day, but no mention
was made to that couple in relation to online dating.
Internet
dating isn’t for me, but I do think it offers an avenue for others. At least it’s your choice who you select,
unlike matchmaking people with hidden agendas.
You can be fooled by the claimed statistics to how many marriages are a
production of meeting online, because what this doesn’t tell you is how
genuinely happy the couples are. I think
this important point gets missed, not just with online success stories but in
any other environment too. A marriage is
not the defined symbol of true happiness that it once was. Easier divorce access allows people (mainly
women) to perceive marriage as an easier decision. The thought of the big day, babies and a life
absent of loneliness can rule a person’s mind over thoughts of whether they are
truly happy and in unconditional love.
People settle, in fear of being alone, rather than believing true love
is out there.
As, to my
knowledge, there are no divorce statistics to prove either way, then I’ll give
these couples who meet on a desk top computer, laptop, tablet or mobile phone
screen the benefit of the doubt. My
hunch tells me that most stay together, because most people who venture down
the online route will be significant years older than a traditional couple
meeting elsewhere. Across a broad
spectrum, an older age will act as a catalyst for fewer options, and less
options results in less inclination to stray.
To many, an uninspiring life together beats times of an unknown life in
solitary existence.
Acknowledgments
and further reading
2012 CNBC.
Inc. – love @ first byte
Saw a similar thing on the whole dating craze.It seems to me that the ugliest women ever are picking out the lowest class men.At least somethings better rhan nothing you could say.
ReplyDeleteLeave it alone that’s my advice
ReplyDelete…..Unless you like a cougar or ugly woman….
ReplyDeleteInternet dating was always going to be for the less privileged looking people. This is because better lookers can get by with their face alone. But then the craze took over because some good-looking men thought it was an easy way to get laid if they were going through a dry spell. Loose women also thought like this, but most women just saw it as some way of feeling better about their life. Not much has changed except the access
ReplyDeleteYo Vi Nat rot in hell and dont cum bak
ReplyDeleteI'm fine where I am thanks.
ReplyDeleteThe sheer reality is that the highest quality women (= hottest women in the context of sexual market) will hardly ever need to go on these sites. They have too many options with the millions of passive and desperate men out there. The exceptions will be when these women have some element of baggage like kids, so her pick has to drop a tier. Good looking men with charisma, attitude and knowledge of women shouldn’t need to go on, but it’s still nowhere near as easy for an equally physically attractive man to get a woman he wants in general terms.
He has the luxury of most women finding him attractive, but not all will date him. The distinction is important.
ReplyDeleteIt’s just as hard for a quality woman to find a quality man….
ReplyDeleteSome women will take advantage of men for what they can offer but have no intention of dating him. I guess only a few men can flip this and get a n ugly woman to pay for all his drinks
Last 3 gfs:
ReplyDelete22 hot college girl
25 hot solicitor
24 hot gym instructor
Have the right body and they drop like flies
Yeah right. If you have a body like your pic then I doubt they are top chicks dude.
ReplyDeleteThe hottest
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of the post. Time is hard to find and love requires time. Some people go down this road cause of this reason. I have tried my luck and met a couple of decent guys that I would not have met in bars. Never worked but keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s a business dream. Sell a product you don’t believe in and tell them the ingredients were from your recipe. Bollocks, the lot if it.
ReplyDeleteDon’t hold back bro. Never done me any harm, got laid plenty of times.
ReplyDeleteWhy feed the cow when you can get milk for free. £30 a month to see the fat mommas of the world, no ta, ha ha!!
ReplyDeleteYo Vi Nay u luv urself u dik
ReplyDeleteJust because they’re not magazine models doesn’t mean they don’t have their place. My brother met his fiancé on PoF and they are madly in love. Sometimes you exhaust all avenues and it just happens.
ReplyDeleteAlso the women you talked about wanting jerks...women don't go for jerks that old so don't see your point. Its about attraction & nothing to do with jerks, nice guys or whatever so if women go for jerks its cause they are attracted to them in the first place
ReplyDelete